A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Miami Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Miami on Thursday, with the wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail since she was expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife Subject: I’ve Arrived Date: November 18, 2004

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

PS. Sure is freaking hot down here.

“““““

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A depressed frog goes to visit a fortune teller hoping for good news.

The fortune teller closes her eyes, makes some strange sounds, and finally says, “You will meet a beautiful young girl that will want to know everything about you”

The frog gets excited and says, “Wow! When will I meet her? At a party?”

“No,” replied the fortune teller, “in her biology class.”

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she was dating someone else. One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, “I’ll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO. Johnny said, “I’ll be fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up. ” She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend… So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, “Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won’t even be able to get his pants down.” So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She replied ”I’ve only just finished picking it up, the bastard used change”

“““““

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When I started my job, they handed me three envelopes.

“These three envelopes were left to you by the previous employee who was recently let go. He said to open them in order if you ever got into a jam.”

The job didn’t seem so tough, and after all, why would I want to take advice from the guy who was just fired? I threw the envelopes into a drawer and settled into my new job. The people were friendly, there were always fresh donuts and bottomless coffee, and everything always just fell into place.

Until one day it hit the fan. Everyone came looking for me for this major issue, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t know what to do. For whatever reason, I was reminded of the envelopes and proceeded to open the one marked #1.

“Blame the previous guy.”

Well, sure! I mean, if it wasn’t for all the stuff he did in the past, we wouldn’t be in this predicament now! I told everyone it was the previous guy’s fault, and everyone seemed to accept that. Slowly, business got back to normal. I felt like I dodged a bullet. Months went by and not a single bump in the road. And then…Another emergency. I could hear people yelling my name, and not in a good way. Without hesitation, I reached for envelope #2.

“Blame the support staff.”

Right? I mean, if they were doing their job and told me sooner, I could’ve fixed all of this before it was even a problem! Everyone nodded. Couldn’t argue with that logic. I was relieved to have dodged another bullet. I must be pretty good at this after all!

A full year went by and, sure, some people had since been let go, but I was still sitting pretty with a good job and a carefree attitude. Things just always seemed to work out! When the next crisis hit, I wasn’t even phased. I could hear the people yelling my name, and I could almost even imagine them carrying pitchforks all aimed at me. Whatever. I still had that final envelope which I opened as everyone was amassed at my door.

“Prepare three envelopes,” it said…

——-

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