Joke of the Day: Irish Man
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Joke of the Day: Irish Man

An Irish man moves to the USA, on his first day he goes looking for a bar and finds one he likes once he enters he orders three beers, he drinks the beer, pays and leaves. He keeps doing this for a week then the bartender asks him:
Sir why do you always drink three beers at once instead of ordering one beer at a time?

To what the Irish man answers:
Well my brothers and I used to have a daily beer back in Ireland and now that live here I drink mine and one for each of my brothers

The bartender leaves the man alone and he becomes a regular going daily for years, everyone who visited the bar knew about the Irishman and his three beers but one day he enters the bar and orders 2 beers, everyone gets quiet and the bartender says:
I’m sorry for your loss, your brother is in a better place now

To what the Irish man responded:
My brothers are fine I just quit drinking

——-

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Joke of the Day: Senior Citizen Physical Exam
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Joke of the Day: Senior Citizen Physical Exam

An 85-year-old senior citizen had to take a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.” The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. “Well, doc, it’s like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.” The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?” The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.

“““““

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Joke of the Day: Gorilla needed mate
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Joke of the Day: Gorilla needed mate

A small zoo in Arkansas obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. In a desperate hope to solve the problem, the Zoo Keeper approached a local redneck, Dugly with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Dugly showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions.

“First”, Dugly said, “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.” The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

“Second”, he said, “You can’t never tell no one about this.” The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

“Third”, Dugly said, “I want all the children raised Southern Baptist.” Once again it was agreed.

And last, Dugly said, “I’ll need another week to come up with the $500.00.”

——-

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Joke of the Day: Concert Tickets
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Joke of the Day: Concert Tickets

A man parks his car on the street and goes into a shop when he comes out, the car is not where he left it and apparently was stolen. So he calls the police and hopelessly goes back home. Two days later, he finds his car at his front door, with a note left in:

“I am very sorry but I had to borrow your car, because my wife was in labor and about to give birth and I had to act quickly. I deeply apologize and send these front-row concert tickets for you and your wife to enjoy this Tuesday evening.”

So the man and his wife go to the concert Tuesday evening. When they return home, they realize someone broke in and the house was burgled. And a note was left on the floor: “So, did you like the concert? ”

“““““

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