Month: November 2015

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road. The local Methodist pastor appears and quickly goes inside. “Would you look at that!” says the first Irishman, “Didn’t I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?”

No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door, knocks, and goes inside. The second Irishman says “Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!” They continue drinking their beer, roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi, when they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door. “Ah, now dat’s sad.” says the third Irishman. “One of the girls must have died.”

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A Chinese Doctor can’t find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside ‘GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.’ An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic. Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.” Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient’s mouth.” Lawyer: “Ugh. this is kerosene.” Chinese: “Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20.”

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money. Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.” Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.” Lawyer (annoyed): “This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.” Chinese: “Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20.” The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100. Lawyer: “My eyesight has become very weak I can’t see at all.” Chinese: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100.” Lawyer (staring at the note): “But this is $20, not $100!!” Chinese: “Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20”

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An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student’s immediate family. A smartass jock in the back of the room asked:

What about extreme sexual exhaustion?

The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said:

You can write with your other hand.

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