A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquired..

They say, “Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?”

“That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed.

Then he thought for a moment. “You know,” he said, “I may have a solution to your problem.
“I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship!”

“Thank you,” the woman responded, “this may very well be the solution.”

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison,
“Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?”

There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, “Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered.”

——-

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A Chinese Doctor can’t find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside ‘GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.’ An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic. Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.” Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient’s mouth.” Lawyer: “Ugh. this is kerosene.” Chinese: “Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20.”

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money. Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.” Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.” Lawyer (annoyed): “This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.” Chinese: “Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20.”

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100. Lawyer: “My eyesight has become very weak I can’t see at all.” Chinese: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100.” Lawyer (staring at the note): “But this is $20, not $100!!” Chinese: “Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20”

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A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool.

After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,

“Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says,

“Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

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A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Nick”

Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Nick Sullivan. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Nick Sullivan, every single time.” Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.” Cabbie: “Not Nick Sullivan.. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.” Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.” Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Nick Sullivan, he could do everything right.”

Passenger: “Wow. Some guy then.” Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Nick, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Nick Sullivan.” Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?” Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Nick. He died. I’m married to his widow.”

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