In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a guy wakes up from surgery.
Guy: Doctor, something is wrong… I can’t feel my legs!
Doctor: Yes, we’ve had to amputate both your arms.
“““““
Amputee Dating to meet that special someone. Visit AmputeeMatch.com today!
A boy and his mother were at the zoo and found themselves at the elephant exhibit. The boy says, “Mommy, Mommy, what’s that thing hanging down?”
Mother: That’s his trunk
Boy: No, no, behind the trunk
Mother: That’s his tail
Boy: I mean between the trunk and the tail.
The mother, flustered, says, “Oh, that’s nothing.”
Some time goes by and the boy returns to the zoo with his father. When they reach the elephant exhibit the boy says, “Daddy, Daddy, what’s that thing hanging down.”
Father: That’s his trunk
Boy: No, behind the trunk!
Father: You mean his tail?
Boy: Between the trunk and the tail.
The father looks at his son and says, “That’s his penis.” The boy becomes confused and says, “Last time Mommy told me it was nothing.”
The father replies, “Well, son, your mother’s been spoiled.”
“““““
.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com
Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar sitting behind the cross, but none give to the beggar sitting behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says: “Don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially if you’re sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite!”
The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: “Moshe, look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!”
——-
.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?”
The cardiologist, a bit surprised walked over to where the mechanic was working.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7M when you and I are doing basically the same work?
The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic.
“Try doing it with the engine running.”
“““““
Dogging Dating to meet singles for outdoor NSA fun. Visit DoggingMatch.com today.