A doctor, a priest and an engineer go to play a round of golf.

After only a few rounds, they get caught behind the worst group of golfers they’ve ever seen. After growing impatient from waiting for them to finish their holes, they go into the clubhouse to complain.

“Let me explain,” says the manager. “You see, those men all used to be firefighters, some of the best our city has ever seen. There was a fire here at the clubhouse about five years ago. Those heroic men saved our clubhouse from the fire. However, most unfortunately, they all lost their sight in the terrible fire. Since then, they are welcome to use our facilities for life; it’s the very least we could do.”

The priest, looks forlorn and says, “I’m so sorry to hear it! I will hold a prayer service this Sunday dedicated to these men.”

The doctor says, “what an awful thing! I know a highly-regarded optometrist who has done some research that might be able to help them, I’ll arrange for them to meet as soon as I can!”

The engineer thinks for a moment and says, “why can’t they golf at night?”

——-

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A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says: “Hi there, good looking’. How’s it going?”

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: “Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door,back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on,dirty, clean… It just doesn’t matter to me. I’ve been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-ass love it.”

Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: “No kidding. I’m a lawyer too. What firm are you with?”

“““““

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A toothpaste factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem. The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, and third-parties selected. Six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution – on time, on budget, and high quality. Everyone in the project was pleased.

They solved the problem by using a high-tech precision scale that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box weighed less than it should. The line would stop, someone would walk over, remove the defective box, and then press another button to re-start the line. As a result of the new package monitoring process, no empty boxes were being shipped out of the factory.

With no more customer complaints, the CEO felt the $8 million was well spent. He then reviewed the line statistics report and discovered the number of empty boxes picked up by the scale in the first week was consistent with projections, however, the next three weeks were zero! The estimated rate should have been at least a dozen boxes a day. He had the engineers check the equipment, they verified the report as accurate.

Puzzled, the CEO traveled down to the factory, viewed the part of the line where the precision scale was installed, and observed just ahead of the new $8 million dollar solution sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin. He asked the line supervisor what that was about.

“Oh, that,” the supervisor replied, “Bert, the kid from maintenance, put it there because he was tired of walking over, removing the box and re-starting the line every time the bell rang.”

——-

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Mr. Bear was chasing Mr. Rabbit through the forest, wanting to hurt him for fun. As they ran, they both tripped over an old lamp on the ground, and a genie flew out. “Since you both rubbed my lamp, you each get three wishes.”

“I’ll go first!” Mr. Bear yelled. “My first wish is to be as handsome as a bear can be.” Mr. Bear suddenly became bigger and stronger, and his coat became incredibly luxurious.

Next was Mr. Rabbit’s first wish. “I wish I had the ability to use human technology,” he said. After the genie nodded, Mr. Rabbit was able to move his front paws much more similarly to human hands.

“That’s a dumb wish,” Mr. Bear said, “A lady rabbit isn’t going to be interested in technology. My second wish is that every female bear I meet is instantly attracted to me.” There were no female bears around, but the genie assured him it was done.

“My second wish is for a rabbit-sized motorcycle and helmet,” Mr. Rabbit said. A very small motorcycle popped into existence next to him and a helmet complete with ear-holes appeared on his head. With his new technology expertise, Mr. Rabbit was able to climb onto the motorcycle and give it a few revs.

“What a waste!” Mr. Bear yelled. “You don’t need that! Now that I’ll have all the lady bears I want, I won’t be interested in chasing you! Speaking of which,” he said, “for my final wish, I wish that all the * other * bears in a one thousand mile radius were female.” The genie said that it was so. Mr. Bear turned to Mr. Rabbit and sneered, “and what kind of stupid last wish do you have, you dumb rabbit?”

Mr. Rabbit gave his motorcycle another rev and strapped his helmet under his chin. He looked at the genie and said, “I wish that Mr. Bear were gay,” and sped off through the woods.

——-

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