Month: July 2016

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.” The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.

“Well, doc, it’s like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.” The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?” The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.

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A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, “OK, old fart, time to retire!”

The old rooster replies, “Come on, you can’t handle ALL these chickens. Look what it’s done to me. Can’t you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?”

The young rooster says, “Beat it! You’re washed up and I’m taking over.”

The old rooster says “I’ll tell you what, young stud, I’ll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.”

The young rooster laughs, “You know you don’t stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I’ll give you a head start.”

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He’s already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by, one right behind the other. He grabs his shotgun and BOOM! — he blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head, “Damn…third gay rooster I’ve bought this month!”
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A guy goes on a Caribbean Cruise. He’s surprised to see that Kaley Cuoco is on the cruise ship also, having a vacation with friends.

One night, the cruise ship sinks, and the guy finds himself washed up on an uninhabited island. He’s shocked to see that Kaley Cuoco has also washed up on the beach with him.

The two survivors make a shelter, harvest coconuts, and make a life for themselves while waiting to be rescued. Their relationship grows from friendship to something more passionate, and soon they are making love every day.

After a few weeks, the guy sheepishly approaches Kaley with a suitcase that has washed up on the beach.

“I was wondering… I was wondering if you would wear some of these clothes and role play with me,” he says.

“Well sure,” Kaley smiles. “Sure, I’m always up for some new things. It keeps it fresh and exciting.”

“Ok great!” The guy says. He pulls out a pair of jeans, some tennis shoes, and a football jersey. “I was wondering if you would dress up as my best friend Nick.”

“Ummm, well, I guess. If that’s what you want,” Kaley says. She steps behind a tree, changes into the clothes and walks up to the guy seductively. “Hey, buddy. It’s me, your friend Nick,” she giggles.

“DUDE!” The guy yells. “You will NOT believe who I’ve been banging!”

“““““

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A man with only one ear interviews candidates for a job.

He is kinda’ sensitive about his missing ear, so he asks to the first candidate “do you notice anything different about me?”

The guy hesitates and says “yes, sir, you have only one ear”. He is dismissed on point.

The man asks the same question to the second candidate, which replies “yes, one of your ears is missing”. Dismissed as well.

The third candidate walks in and the man asks “do you notice anything different about me?”. The guy looks closely and says “Yes, of course. You wear contact lenses”.

Surprised, the man asks “whoa, how did you know that?”

The guy replies: “well, how could you wear glasses with only one ear?”

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