Month: July 2016

A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners.

On the way out of the door the lady at the counter says come again.

The blonde says no, its toothpaste this time.

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Blonde: “What does IDK mean?”

Brunette: “I don’t know.”

Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”

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How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?

Hand her a bottle of shampoo that says “lather, rinse, repeat.”

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What did the blonde say after glimpsing a box of Cheerios?

“OMG! Donut seeds!”

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Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender?

She was trying to make apple juice.

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How do you drown a blonde?

Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

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Why’d the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

She kept throwing out all the W’s.

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A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Mike, and starts drinking his beer.

Mike asks him :

My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?

Why do you ask, is it because I’m Chinese?

No, it’s because you are drinking my beer.

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A man was in a terrible accident, and his “manhood” was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn’t cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said that the cost would be $3500 for small, $6500 for medium, and $14,000 for large.

The man was sure he wanted a large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.

The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking quite dejected. “Well, what have the two of you decided?” asked the doctor. The man answered, “She’d rather remodel the kitchen.”

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A doctor , a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live,” and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, “I’m a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.”

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.”

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, “Not to worry, Father. The ‘smartest man in the world’ just took off with my back pack.”

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