Month: January 2017

A rough old general has heard about a unit with the reputation of being filled with the toughest army soldiers around and decides he needs to go and check them out.

After reviewing the troops on parade he decides to go to the medical tent to meet the soldiers who weren’t at parade.

The general gets to the first soldier and barks at him “Why are you here?”

“Hemorrhoid’s Sir!”

“And how are you treating it?”

“Wire brush and disinfectant Sir!”

“And what’s your goal in life soldier?”

“To kill the enemy Sir!”

The general is pleased with this answer and moves onto the next soldier. “Why are you here?”

“Genital warts Sir!”

“And how are you treating it?”

“Wire brush and disinfectant Sir!”

“And what’s your goal in life soldier?”

“To kill the enemy Sir!”

Once again the general is pleased and moves on to the last soldier. “And why are you here?”

“Gingivitis Sir!”

“And how are you treating it?”

“Wire brush and disinfectant Sir!”

“And what’s your goal in life soldier?”

“To get the wire brush before the other two Sir!”

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Soldier Dating at SoldierMatch.com to meet Marines, Army & Navy personnel.

A lawyer is sitting in his parked BMW when a tow truck crashes into the car.

The crash takes car door clean off and the driver speeds away.

The lawyer immediately signals a cop and begins ranting about how much the damage to his car is going to cost.

The cop replies, “You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is money.”

The lawyer says, “How DARE you call me materialistic.”

The cop replies, “Well, you’ve been so concerned about your car that you didn’t notice that your arm is missing.”

The lawyer screams, “FUCK! My Rolex!”

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There was a warehouse that caught fire. It started as a single alarm fire but quickly grew to a 3 alarm blaze. The owner of the warehouse arrived on scene and quickly realized that the fire department wasn’t going to be able to save the building. His biggest concern was the secret formula stored in his office.

He approached the chief of the firefightersand said “Sir, I don’t care about the building but you have to save my secret formula! If you do, I will give you $500,000.”

The chief thought about all the fire engines that $500,000 could buy and decided to send a crew to get the formula. The crew made it half way there before they had to turn back due to the conditions.

By this time, the blaze had reached 4 alarms and the owner upped his offer to 1 million dollars. The chief decided to take a different approach and send a crew of firefighters around the back side but again, conditions were too bad and they had to back out.

While all of this was going on, no one noticed the lone, old, volunteer firefighter company coming in from the neighboring town. Much to everyone’s amazement, the old engine with its crew drove right past all of the new and state of the art fire apparatus, into the blaze, and out of the other side of the building with a filing cabinet stuck to the front bumper. The warehouse owner saw that it was the cabinet that contained his secret formula and decided that such an act of heroism and bravery deserved the reward to be doubled again to 2 million dollars.

Upon telling the chief of the old engine company that they were getting such a large sum of money, the owner couldn’t help but ask, “What are you going to do with 2 million dollars?”

The old chief’s response was, “Well first we are going to fix the damn brakes…”

“““““

Firefighter Dating at DatingFirefighters.com is where you go to meet a brave fireman.

A Mafia leader gets cheated out of $10 million by his bookeeper, Chris. Chris had been deaf all of his life, so it was assumed he would be perfect for the job. A deaf guy couldn’t hear anything that he would have to testify in court, after all.

When the leader found out, he went to confront Chris with an interpreter, one who knows ASL. “Ask him where the $10 million he stole from me is,” he demanded.

The interpreter signs this to Chris, to which he signs back “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The godfather pulls out a gun and puts it to Chris’s head and tells the interpreter, “Ask him again!”

The interpret asks again, signing “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him!” Chris signs back, “Alright, alright! The money is in a brown suitcase behind the shed of my estate in Queens!”

The interpreter says nothing. After a few seconds, the godfather asks, “Well, what’d he say?” The interpreter smiles and says ” He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”

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