Virginity explained by Confucius
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Virginity explained by Confucius

Disciple: “Male virgins are often shamed and ridiculed.”

Confucius: “Exactly.”

Disciple: “However, female virgins are viewed in a more positive way. Where does the difference come from?”

Confucius: “An army that has failed all its attacks is weak, but a fort that has stopped all attacks is strong.”

Disciple: “I know of a fort that has never been attacked. It was built 50 years ago. Is it stronger than the others?”

Confucius: “I don’t know if it’s stronger, but I can tell you that the fort has never been worth attacking.”

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Black eyes
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Black eyes

Two blokes were on a plane one day and they were sitting side by side. Coincidentally, they each had one black eye. They started talking.. ‘hey mate do you mind if I ask how you got your black eye?’.

‘Yeah no worries’, the other one responded. ‘I was at the airport check in and when I got to the counter, I couldn’t help but notice the girl at the check in had massive tits, so instead of asking for two tickets to Pittsburg I accidentally asked for two pickets to titsburg and she hit me!.. Can I ask how you got yours?’..

‘yeah no worries, it’s actually quiet a similar story to yours’ the other guys says.. ‘I was at home this morning about to eat breakfast with the Mrs and kids and instead of asking me mrs “hey can you please pass me the frosty’s cereal”, I accidentally said “you’ve ruined me life you evil cunt”

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Wife with Husband out of coma
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Wife with Husband out of coma

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?

You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?”

“What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

”I think you’re bad luck.”

“““““

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