A young boy says to his father “Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you.”

“What happened?” The father asks.

“Well, she asks me, ‘how much is 7×9?’ I answer ’63’ , then she asks, ‘and 9×7?’ so I asked ‘what’s the fucking difference?’ ”

“What is the difference?” asks the father. ”Sure, I’ll go.”

The next day, the boy comes home from school “Dad, have you gone by the school?” He asks.

“Not yet.”

“Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also.”

“Why?” asks the father.

The boy explains, “Well, we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. ‘Now,’ he says, ‘lift your left leg,’ so I asked ‘What, am I suppose to stand on my dick!?'”

“Exactly,” says the father. “Alright, I’ll come.”

The next day, the boy asks his father “Did you go to the school?”

“No, not yet.”

“Don’t bother, I got expelled.”

Surprised, the father asks “Why did you get expelled?”

“Well, they summoned me to the principal’s office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher.”

“The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?” asks the father.

“That’s what I asked!” said the boy.

——-

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A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift.

The surgeon told her about a new procedure called “The Knob”, where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman’s head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.

Of course, the woman wanted “The Knob.”

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems: “I’ve had to turn the knob many times and I’ve always loved the results. But now I’ve developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won’t get rid of them.”

The doctor looked at her closely and said,” Those aren’t bags, those are your breasts.”

She said, “Well, I guess there’s no point in asking about the goatee.

——-

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