Married man having affair
description

Married man having affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.

Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. “Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house. “Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock”. The wife glanced down at his shoes and said “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!”

“““““

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Addition’s a son of a bitch
description

Addition’s a son of a bitch

Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine.”

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?”

The little boy answered, “I’m doing my math homework.”

” And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked. “Yes,” he answered.

Infuriated, the mother goes to Little Johnny’s school the next day and confronted the teacher, “What are you teaching my son?”

The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.” The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four? Because that’s what little Johnny keeps saying. He must have learnt it at school, since I don’t teach addition at home!”

After the teacher stopped laughing, she replied, “Let me show you what we are teaching at our school. Then you can decide where he is learning the phrase from.”

The teacher takes Johnny’s mother into the classroom, where the kids are clearly saying,”two plus two, the sum of which is four.”

——-

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A dark night
description

A dark night

A man walks out of a bar. It’s a dark night, and he hears a lady whisper “30 dollars” from the shadows…

The man has had a few beers and thinks to himself “I’ve never been with a prostitute… Why not?” He scurries into the bushes where he’d heard the voice with 30 dollars in his hand and starts having sex. Along comes a policeman and shines his light on them.

“Hey, what are you doing over there?”

“Sorry officer, just having sex with my wife”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize it was your wife.”

“Neither did I til you shined your light on us”

——-

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Bear and squirrel
description

Bear and squirrel

A bear and a squirrel were walking through the forest when they stumbled on a magic frog who said he would grant them both three wishes.

The bear goes first. “I wish all the bears in the forest besides me were female” said the bear. “Then I’d get laid all the time.” “It is so.” Said the frog, and all the bears in the forest besides him were female. The squirrel goes next. “I wish for a motorcycle.” He said. “It is so.” replied the frog, and a motorcycles appeared. The bear went next with his second wish. “I wish all the bears in all the neighboring forests were female.” “It is so” said the frog. Then the squirrel. “I wish for a helmet.” The frog waved his hand and a helmet appeared for the squirrel. Then the bear had his last wish. “Okay, why not?” He says. “I wish all the bears in the world, besides me were female.” “It is so.” Said the frog, and he made it happen.

He turned to the squirrel and asked “What is your third and final wish?” The squirrel shouted “I wish the bear was gay!” and he hopped on his motorcycle and drove off.

——-

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