Sexy sister

My girlfriend invited me to her house where I found her sister alone.

So I sat there waiting for my girlfriend while her unbelievable sexy sister was sitting next to me.

A few moments later she whispered to me ‘we should have sex while my sister isn’t home.

I immediately got up and turned around to head back to my car.

I found my girlfriend standing by the door, she hugged me and said ‘you’ve won my trust’.

Moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in your car.

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The meaning of life

The meaning of life..

submitted 9 hours ago by insolent_swine

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”

So God agreed…… On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

And God agreed……

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed again…… On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God. “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

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Whispering in Library

A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl: “Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl replied, in a loud voice “NO, I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!” All the people in the library started staring at the man, who was deeply embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the man’s table and said with a laugh: “I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking; I bet you felt embarrassed, right?

“The man responded in a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ….. I`M NOT PAYING YOU THAT MUCH!”

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The man whispered to her: “I study law, and I know how to screw people”.
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