Little Johnny sat silently at the back of the class, along with his fellow students. His teacher began discussing vocabulary. She asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Mary raised her hand and said, ‘I went to the beach yesterday, and the sea was fascinating’.

The teacher replied, ‘Good attempt, Mary, but I want “fascinate”, not “fascinating”‘.

Harry waved his hand and stated, ‘We visited Grandpa’s farm yesterday and I was fascinated.’

Ms Davids shook her head. ‘The word is “fascinate”, but good try.’

Little Johnny waved his hand wildly at the teacher. “My aunt bought a new 10-button shirt the other day, but her boobs are too big and she can only fasten eight’.
——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

There was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living. He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but one person had died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air – but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room – and the man was once again unharmed.

Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.

“You know what? No,” said the executioner. “I’ve had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I’m not giving you a thing to eat;I dont know what the bananas do to help you stay alive but we’re strapping you in and doing this now.” Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room – and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.

The man looked at the executioner and said, “Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I’m just a bad conductor.”

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

A man walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke. The bartender walks to the back and after a few minutes hands the man an apple.

The man looks at it for a moment confused and takes a bite. “Wow! This tastes just like coke! But what about the rum?”

“Turn it around” the bartender says, and sure enough it tastes like rum!

“That’s amazing!” Says the man, “Can I have a gin and tonic?”

The bartender nods his head and again walks to the back. After a few minutes he hands the man another apple, and just like before one side tastes like gin and the other like tonic water.

“This is crazy!” Says the man, “can you make apples taste like anything?”

The bartender nods his head, “Pretty much.”

“Well, can I have an apple that tastes like pussy?”

The bartender walks to the back and in no time hands the man another apple.

The man takes a big bite with excitement, but quickly spits it out all over the bar.

“This tastes like shit!” Yells the man.

The bartender looks at the man for a second and says, “Turn it around.”

“““““

Cocktail Recipes at CocktailWild.com is where you go to find the best drink mixes.

A five year old and a four year old are upstairs in their bedroom. “You know what?” says the five year old, “I think it’s about time we start swearing.” The four year old nods his head in approval. The 5 year old continues, “When we go down stairs for breakfast I’m gonna say “hell”, and you say “ass”, okay?” The four year old agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the five year old what he wants for breakfast, “Aw hell Mom, I guess I’ll have some Frosted Flakes.”…..WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs bawling.

The mom looks at the four year old and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?” “I’m not sure,” he says, “but you can bet your ass it won’t be Frosted Flakes.”
——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com