An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather (Abdullah) in a nursing home.

All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian nursing home.

After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa.

“How do you like it here?” asked the grandson

“It’s wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful,” said grandpa.

“We’re so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you, since you are a little different from everyone.”

“Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents,” Abdullah said with a big smile.

“There’s a musician here – he’s 85 years old. He hasn’t played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him Maestro!

There is a judge in here – he’s 95 years old. He hasn’t been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him Your Honor!

There’s a dentist here – 90 years old. He hasn’t fixed a tooth for 25 years, and everyone still calls him Doctor!

And Me – I haven’t had sex for 35 years, and they still call me The F**king Arab.
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The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Dugly, because he snored so badly.. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Dugly and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.. They said, “Man, what happened to you? He said, “Dugly snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”

The next night it was a different guy’s turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, ‘Man, that Dugly shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night.”

The third night was Fred’s turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man’s man.. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “Good morning!” he said. They couldn’t believe it.. They said, “Man, what happened?”

He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Dugly into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Dugly sat up and watched me all night.”

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A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble. She lost her job and she’s in dire financial straits.

She’s desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my job and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.”

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays… “God, please let me win the lottery! I’ve lost my job, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.”

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays… “My God, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don’t often ask You for help, and I’ve always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order.”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself….”Sweetheart, work with Me on this…. Buy a ticket.”

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