A blonde, a brunette, and a black-haired girl are walking down their high school hallway when they come across a genie’s lamp.

The black-haired girl rubs it, and a genie comes out. He tells them that he’ll give each of them three wishes if they say something true about themselves. If not, they’ll go “poof”, and die.

So the black-haired girl squeals, “I think I’m the prettiest girl in school!”
*Poof*

The brunette pipes up, “I think I’m one of the smartest girls in school.”
*Poof*

And then the blond says, “I think–” *Poof*

——-

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Yesterday a friend called & asked if I could loan her $500 to help her pay her rent. I wanted to be helpful to someone in such need. I told her, let me check my account & l will call you right back. Before I could double check, her sister calls & says, “Don’t give her any money because she’s lying.” Her sister told me that she wants to use the $500 to get her boyfriend out of jail so they can be together for her birthday.

I thought about it for a minute, then decided to go ahead & give her the $500. A few minutes ago, she called me from the local jail, crying about being arrested. She started screaming, asking, “Why did I give her counterfeit money?!” I replied: “So you & your man could be together for your birthday”

——-

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A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.

“Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says.

“Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nods…
“I’ll tell you, I’d thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.

“No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.
——-

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Phil was on his deathbed and knew the end was near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home. He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready Phil begins to speak:

“My son Jim, I want you to take the houses on South Street.”

“My daughter Heather, you take the apartments over in Mason Road.”

“My son Phil Junior, I want you to take the offices in the City centre.”

“Donna, my dear wife, please take all the residential properties on Sunshine Avenue.”

The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realize the extent of Phil’s wealth. As he slips away, the nurse says to his wife, ” Ma’am, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property”..
“Property?”, his wife replies. “He had a window cleaning round.”

——-

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