Two Americans were backpacking in Europe when a car pulled up next to them. The driver rolled down his window and asked in german:” Where is the nearest petrol diner?”

The two Americans, not knowing a fraction of German, stared blankly at the driver. “Sorry, but we have no idea what you are saying.”

The driver tried again in French and again was met with blank stares and shakes of the head from the two tourists.

Getting frustrated, he tried again in Italian, in Spanish, each time receiving nothing but sheepish smiles from the two of them. Finally, he cursed under his breath and drove away angrily.

The first American asked his partner: ” Maybe we should learn a second language.” His partner shrugged and replied:” Why? That dude knew four languages and it didn’t help him.”

——-

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A man approaches his best friend’s wife one day

when her husband is at the office. “Will you have sex with me?” he asks.

“No. I don’t want to have an affair”

“O.K. What if I give you $1000?”

“Well, for a $1000 I think I will. Come back tomorrow afternoon when my husband is at work.”

So the man shows up next day and slaps $1000 on the table and they do whatever it was they did(!!!). In the evening her husband comes home a little distraught:

“Was my best friend here today?”

“Y-y-yes.” his wife says with concern.

“And did he leave $1000?”

“Y-y-yes.” she says expecting the worst.

“Oh good, what a great pal he is. He came in this morning and asked if he could borrow $1000 from me and promised to return it this afternoon!”

“““““

Cheater Dating at CheaterAds.com to have a discreet affair.

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year old woman because she had just gotten married for the 4th time in her life.

The interviewer was asking her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

The lady tells him that her new husband is a funeral director.

“Interesting,” the newsman thinks….

He then asks her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little bit about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She then pauses for a few moments, needing some time to reflect on all of those years. After a short time, a smile comes to her face as she answers proudly, explaining to the newsman that she had remembered each of her husbands.

The first, she says, was a banker, whom she married in her 20s. In her 40s, she married a circus ringmaster. In her 60s, she married a preacher, and now, in her 80s, she’s marrying a funeral director.

The newsman is astonished at this development, having never met anybody who had been in so many relationships with so many different and diverse careers. He asks her why, if there was any reason, did she choose to marry those specific people.

She responds, “I married one for the money, two for the show. Three to get ready, and four to go!”

——-

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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter.

The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

——-

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