A farmer gets interviewed

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?

Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: a couple of litres per day.

Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.

Interviewer (naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?

Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.

Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.

Interviewer (now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one’s mine.

Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It’s also mine.

——-

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A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales Clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 35,” was the reply.

“I’m actually 47,” the man says, feeling really happy.

After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, “Oh you look about 29.”

“I am actually 47!”

This makes him feel really good.

While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, “I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man’s age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age.”

As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, “OK, it’s done. You are 47.”
Stunned the man says, “That was brilliant! How did you do that?”

The old lady replies, “I was behind you in McDonalds.”

——-

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Two men are sitting on the train. One is very well educated and sophisticated and the other is a sad, simple minded alcoholic.

As the train journey is extremely long and there is nothing else to do, the well educated man decides to entertain himself by playing a game with the alcoholic.

The well educated man says “Let’s play a game! We’ll ask each other questions, when I ask you a question and you don’t know the answer, you have to give me a dollar. But when you ask me a question and I don’t know the answer, I’ll give you one hundred dollars!” The simple minded man agrees to play.

“What’s the capital of Kuwait?”
“I don’t know… here’s a dollar”

“What is the distance between the Earth and the Sun?”
“I don’t know… here’s a dollar”

“How many species of Dolphins are there?”
“I don’t know… here’s a dollar”

The simple minded man then gets to ask his question.
“Horns on its head and horns on its ass, what is it?”

The well educated man gets taken aback as he doesn’t know the answer. He gets frustrated and starts thinking, he spends the next several hours contemplating all the possibilities but he still can’t come up with anything.

“This is a stupid game anyway! Here’s the hundred dollars, I don’t care anymore! Just hurry up and tell me what the hell has horns on its head and horns on its ass”
“I don’t know… here’s a dollar”

——-

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An Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman were discussing the wonderful screams that passion can evoke . . .

The Italian said: “Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non-stop, for two minutes.”

The Frenchman said: “Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special perfumed aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for three minutes.”

The Englishman said: “That’s nothing! Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours.”

The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, “Two full hours? Wow! That’s phenomenal, what did you do it to make her scream for two hours?”

The Englishman replied: “I wiped my hands on the curtains.”

——-

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