Three couples are trying to get married at the same church
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Three couples are trying to get married at the same church

Three couples are trying to get married at the same church.

There is a young couple, a middle-aged couple, and an elderly couple.

The three couples meet with the priest and discuss when they can get married.

“If you wish to get married in my church, you must all go one month without having sex,” says the priest.

One month later the three couples return to the church and talk to the priest.

He then asks the elderly couple, “Have you completed the month with sex?”

“Yes we have, it was easy,” replies the elderly couple.

“How about you?” He asks the middle-aged couple.

“It was hard, but we didn’t have sex for the whole month,” they respond.

“And how about you two?” He asks the young couple.

“No we couldn’t do it,” responds the boyfriend.

“Tell me why,” says the priest.

“Well my girlfriend had a can of corn in her hand and she accidentally dropped it. She bent over to pick it up and that’s when it happened.”

The priest then tells them, “You’re not welcome in my church.”

“We’re not welcome in the supermarket either,” says the boyfriend

——-

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Jim and his friend Dugly both loved baseball
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Jim and his friend Dugly both loved baseball

Jim and his friend Dugly both loved baseball very much. One day, Dugly asked Jim,

“do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”.

“Not sure” Jim replied.

A few days later, Dugly was hit by a drunk driver and died. Jim took it hard a would spend hours walking the beach.

One day, Jim heard a voice come from the sky, it was Dugly! Jim asked, “is there baseball in heaven?”

Dugly replies, “I got good news and bad news”.

“What’s the good news?” Jim asked

“Well, there IS baseball in heaven.” Said Dugly

“And the bad news?”, Jim asked

“Well, you’re pitching on Tuesday.”

“““““

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Conversation with India Microsoft Support Scammer
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Conversation with India Microsoft Support Scammer

I was having a conversation with an Indian Microsoft support scammer the other day.

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “It’s OK sir. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device sir?”

Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, we are going to help you. Can you please push the Start button?”

Me: “I think it’s already on.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay, sir. Now you want to click on Control Panel.”
Me: “I don’t see that.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”
Me: “Yes.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “That is your Control Panel.”

Me: “Wow, I didn’t realize it had a name.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, now press on Internet Options.”

Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “They all have the Internet sir. Press the Start button again.”
Me: “OK, it’s the same as before.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “That’s OK sir. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?”

Me: “Ummm…I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. Since I bought it it just kind of stays on all the time.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “There must be an off button on your device. How do you stop it when it’s running?”

Me: “In those cases I usually press the big button beneath Stop/Cancel.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “OK sir. Please press that button.”

Me: “Ok.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Is your device off?”

Me: “No. The door popped open.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Door? Is there a disc inside the door?”

Me: “No, there’s a burrito.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”

Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support.”

A man himself and buys a ticket to the Superbowl
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A man himself and buys a ticket to the Superbowl

A man decides to treat himself one day and buys a ticket to the Superbowl.

He bought the ticket the day of and got a seat in the nosebleeds. He arrived a little late to the game and as he was entering the stadium he noticed a man with an empty seat right behind his teams bench. Ever the opportunist he walks over and asks the man if the seat’s taken.

“It isn’t actually,” the man replies. “You mind if I sit there?”

“It’s actually supposed to be my wife’s seat, we haven’t missed a Superbowl in 30 years.”

The man then asks why she isn’t with him.

“Well, sadly she died quite recently.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” The man says. “But you couldn’t find a single friend or family member to sit with you?”

“Unfortunately not,” the man says, “They’re all at the funeral.”

“““““

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