An Overweight Time Traveler goes to ancient rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He goes to the counter and asks the clerk:
Overweight Time Traveler: Do you have XL togas?
Clerk: Well, yes. But why do you need so many?
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3 US Marine Veterans are sitting before their last medical check-up.
The doctor walks out and says: we are going to take one measurement from your body and it will be your monthly payment for the retirement.
all the veterans agree. The first says from my toes to my head, they take the measurement so doctor says okay its 6ft so we gonna pay you 6000$ a month
The second puts his hand as high as he can, the doctor says okay its 6″2 so we gonna pay you 6200$ a month.
The Third says I want it from the tip of my dick to my balls.
the doctor confused says: Are you sure sir?
100 % he replies. take off his pants and the doctors starts and then asks, where are your balls sir ?
The Marine replies: they are In Vietnam son.
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There were three guys named Jackson who were all in the clothing business.
Due to lack of real estate options in their city, they all set up shop next door to each other. In order to convince customers to come to their store rather than one of the other Jacksons, they all put up signs to attract customers.
The one on the left puts up a sign that says “Jackson’s clothing store (Best prices!)”
Not to be outdone, the one on the right puts up a sign that says “Jackson’s clothing store (Best quality!)
The one in the middle thinks about it for a while, and eventually puts up a sign of his own.
“Jackson’s clothing store (Main entrance).”
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Five gangsters walk past a local diner. The owner runs out the door and up to them saying, “Excuse me, I’ve got a problem and you’re the only ones who can solve it!”
The gangsters look at each other confused and ask, “What, why us man?”
“I’ll explain later, just come with me!” The owner replies. The curious gangsters follow the owner into the diner, and then they enter the kitchen. In the back, a man is furiously scrubbing metal pots and pans so hard that he’s damaging them.
The owner points at the man and says, “My new dishwasher guy is scrubbing the dishes too hard! He’s scratching them up and refusing to stop! At this rate, I’m going to have to replace all my dishes!”
One of the gangsters rolls his eyes and says to another gangster, “Yo G, I got this.”
The gangster taps the dishwasher on the shoulder and says, “Dude, ease up on those dishes.”
But the man keeps scrubbing. Another one of the gangsters says, “That won’t do it, G,” and he tries to spin the dishwasher around to face them, but the dishwasher man won’t budge. “C’mon idiot, ease up on those dishes!”
But the man is still scrubbing. The third and fourth gangsters try shouting in the man’s ears, “EASE UP ON THOSE DAMN DISHES!”
But the man scrubs away. Finally, the fifth gangster has had enough and start pulling on the dishwasher to get him away from the sink and the dishes. Another G joins in, followed by the rest, pulling as hard as they can.
But it’s no use, and they all fall to the floor exhausted while the dishwasher keeps scrubbing, no sign of easing up on the poor dishes.
The owner is shocked and shakes his head in disbelief, “I can’t believe it, I was sure this would work.”
The fifth gangster looks at him exasperated and says, “Dude, why the hell did you think this would work? What can five gangsters do against a dishwasher who’s basically superman?”
The owner replies, “I know it sounded crazy and I had no evidence to prove it, but I really thought that 5Gs could cause dish ease.”
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