3 guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.

He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face. And said, “I went by your grandma’s house and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is fine!”

The biker looked at him and didn’t say a word. His buddies were confused, because he was a bad ass and would fight at he drop of a hat.

The drunk leaned on the table again. And he said “I got it on with your grandma. And she is good. The best I ever had!”

The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad.

The drunk leaned on the table again and said,”I’ll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!”

The biker stood up and took the drunk by the shoulder. And said, “Damn it, Grandpa, you’re drunk! Go home!”

“““““

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Two ants, a mother and her daughter, were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen’s domain. One, with a sign reading It’s time to GO!, spotted them and quickly approached.

“Excuse me ma’am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause?” he half-shouted at her.

The mother held up her hand and tried to pass, but the protester blocked her and continued. “It is imperative that we evacuate the colony! Did you know that the dirt in which we live, in which we raise our children, contains magnesium and aluminum? And God knows what else!”

Again, she politely but firmly shook her head, pulling her daughter along as the man shouted after her, “You owe it to your little girl to evacuate now!!”

After they gained some distance, the young ant looked up worriedly at her mother. “Was that man right, Mommy? Are we in danger?”
The mother smiled. “No sweetheart, don’t worry. Just because they use big words to try to scare us doesn’t mean the Ant Evacs movement has any idea what it’s talking about.”

“““““

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A Peruvian man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him. “Quiero calcetines.” said the man. “I don’t speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here.” said the salesgirl.

“No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines.” said the Peruvian man.

“Well, these shirts are on sale this week.” declared the salesgirl.

“No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines.” repeated the man.

“I still don’t know what you’re trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack.” offered the salesgirl.

“No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines.” insisted the Peruvian man.

“These sweaters are top quality.” the salesgirl probed.

“No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines.” said the man.

“Our undershirts are over here.” fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.

“No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines.” the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed “Eso sí que es!”.

“Well, if you could spell it, why didn’t you do that in the beginning?” asked the exasperated salesgirl.

“““““

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A priest, a minister and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job.

So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins:

“When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast.

“Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

——-

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