Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?
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Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.

In her 20’s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30’s and 40’s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit.

After 50, they are like onions.”

“Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter.

The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”

The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also.

In his 20’s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his 30’s and 40’s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable.

After his 50’s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.

“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

“““““

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Only cheated 3 times on husband
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Only cheated 3 times on husband

Ken and Julie are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary when Ken says to Julie, “Julie, I was wondering if you’ve ever cheated on me?”

Julie replies, “Oh, Ken, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question…”

“Yes, Julie, I really want to know. Please…”

“Well, all right, three times…”

“Three, hmmm. When were they?”

“Well, Ken, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start that business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, one day the bank manager himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked…”

“Oh, Julie, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So when was number two?”

“Well, Ken, remember when you had that last heart attack and you needed that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. Morris came all the way up here to do the surgery himself and then you were in good shape again…”

“I can’t believe it, Julie, that you would do such a thing for me, to save my life… I couldn’t have a more wonderful wife… All right then, when was the third time?”

“Well, Ken, remember a few years ago when you really wanted to be president of the fishing club and you were 97 votes short…”

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