Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they’ll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, ‘Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.’

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, ‘OK, your Majesty, you may go in.’

Dolly is outraged and asks, ‘What was that all about?

I show you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in!

‘Sorry, Dolly,’ says the Angel, ‘but even in Heaven, A Royal Flush beats a Pair. no matter how big they are.

“””””

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The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
“Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

“””””

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Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course’s pro.

“Hey, how come you’re letting guys like this on the course? They’re hitting their balls all over the place, spending way too much time lining up their putts, always in the sand traps…and they don’t see us trying to play through!”

The pro says, “Well, you see, last year there was an awful fire at the clubhouse. And these four firemen were injured fighting the blaze. They all lost their eyesight! Well, since they did so much to save us, the least we can do is let them golf here whenever they want to.”

The doctor says, “Oh, that’s horrible! You know, I know a lot of good eye doctors. I’m sure they can do something to help restore their sight.”

The lawyer says, “Hmm, I wonder if their masks were defective. I can probably file a huge lawsuit against the manufacturers. Pro bono!”

The priest says, “They are saints! I will pray for them and use their story as an example of courage and selflessness in my next sermon.”

The engineer asks, “Why don’t they play at night?”

“””””

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A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”.

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”

The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess with big breasts, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.”

Again the young man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Next the frog yells, “Okay okay, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess with big tits and a perfect butt, I’ll stay with you FOREVER and do ANYTHING you want.”

Again the young man took the frog out, then he chuckled at it and put it back in his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess with big tits and a perfect ass, that I’ll stay with you forever, and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The young man said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”

“””””

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