gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable.

However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they can’t afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.
Quickly, the new “gorilla” becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the “Human-like” gorilla.

About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples’ attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions’ den next to him. A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lion’s den. The man starts screaming “HELP!! HELP!!!” Suddenly a lion pounces him from behind and whispers in his ear, “Shut the fuck up right now or you’re going to get us both fired.”

“””””

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A man walks gingerly into the office where he is met by a nurse with whom he speaks to
“Err, nurse? Excuse me, this isn’t easy for me to say, but you have to promise you won’t laugh”

“Well, sir, on my honour as a nurse and a lady, in my 20 years in this profession, I haven’t once laughed at a patient. I’ve seen all manners of shapes and sizes, you can trust that I shall remain professional and courteous”

The man, satisfied with her response, dropped his trousers to around his knees, exposing the tiniest penis the nurse had ever seen (no larger than a AAA battery), and with that, she couldn’t contain her laughter. Instantly and without warning she was rolling around on the floor, tears streaming down her face as she laughed. After about 5 minutes (possibly the longest 5 minutes of the man’s life) she finally managed to stand up and compose herself.

“I’m so terribly sorry sir. Please forgive me, that was wholly unprofessional. Now, what seems to be the issue”

“It’s swollen…”

“””””

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A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain. “Please doctor you’ve got to help me. I’ve been stung by a bee.”

“Don’t worry;” says the doctor, “I’ll put some cream on it.”

“You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now.”

“No, you don’t understand!” answers the doctor, “I’ll put some cream on the place you were stung.”
“Oh! It happened in the garden in back of my house.”

“No, no, no!” says the doctor getting frustrated, “I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting you.”

“On my finger!” screamed the man in pain. “The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts.”
“Which one?” the doctor.

“How am I supposed to know? All bees look the same to me!”

“””””

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A young Taiwanese boy asks his father a question:
He asks: “Dad, I heard some strange words at school today, and I don’t know what they mean.”
His dad responds, “Hmm… Tell me what they are. I’ll try to explain them as best I can.”

The boy asks the following: “What’s ‘angry?’ What’s ‘furious?’ What’s ‘crazy?’ What’s ‘ku xiao bu de (Taiwanese expression meaning “not knowing whether to laugh or to cry”)?'”
His father thinks for a moment–how will he explain this? Then he comes up with an idea. He picks up the phone and dials a random number. The conversation goes like this:
Person on the other end: “Hello, this is the Lin residence, how may I help you?”
Dad: “Hello. I’m looking for Chow Yun-fat.” (famous Hong Kong actor, well-known from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon)

Mr. Lin: “Excuse me, what?”
Dad: “I’m looking for Chow Yun-fat.”
Mr. Lin: “I think you’re mistaken–this is the Lin residence.”
Dad: “Please, I beg you, may I speak to Chow Yun-fat?”
Mr. Lin: “Oh, this is ridiculous! I’ve had enough.” He hangs up the phone.
The father explains to his son: “There, you see? That person is angry.”
The young boy nods, understanding. Then his dad picks up the phone again and dials the same number. Mr Lin responds, politely:

“Hello, this is the Lin residence, how may I help you”
“I’d like to please speak to Chow Yun-fat.”
“Did you just escape from the mental institute or something? This is the Lin residence, did you not hear me already?”

“I’m sorry about that. Could you help me find Chow Yun-fat, please?”
“Find your mother’s ass!” Mr. Lin hangs up again, and the boy’s father explains: “Now that person is not just angry, he is furious. Now for ‘crazy.’ What does crazy mean? I’ll show you.”
He picks up the phone again and dials the number a third time. Mr. Lin is still furious, saying, “This is harassment, you hear me? Keep this up and I’lll call the police and get you arrested!”
The dad responds, “Hello, is this the Lin residence?”

Mr. Lin is taken aback. He responds, much more gently: “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I’ve just been getting a bunch of prank calls lately and I’m a little on edge. Who is it you’re looking for?”
“I’m looking for Chow Yun-fat.”

The dad hangs up and explains, “Now that’s what you call crazy.”
For his final act, the boy’s father picks up the phone and dials the same number one more time.
By this point, Mr. Lin is absolutely frothing at the mouth, sputtering, “This is enough, you hear me? ENOUGH! I’m calling the police! I’ll have no more of this. I’m DONE!”
The dad says, “Hello, this is Chow Yun-fat. Has anyone been asking for me?”
?
And that, my friends, is someone who doesn’t know whether to laugh or to cry.

“””””

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