My job is so fucking unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up. She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel in the crown has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work. He probably hasn’t been sober any time in the last ten years, and he’s only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald’s and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

“””””

Loco Domains has .info domains for only $4.99, .com only $9.99.

A man is flying a plane over the Amazon, when he suddenly crashes, but he’s ok, don’t worry. He’s staggering through the jungle when he suddenly realizes he’s surrounded by bloodthirsty savages. And he thinks, “Man, I am totally fucked.”

“No”, a voice booms out from the heavens, “You’re not fucked.”

The voice continues, “Listen to me very carefully. Grab the spear from the savage next to you, run up to the chief and stab him in the chest.”

So the man, with nothing to lose, grabs the spear from the savage next to him, runs up to the chief and stabs him in the chest.

The man, as he’s standing over the chief who’s now dying in a pool of blood, looks up at the heavens and ask, “Now what, Lord?”

And the voice booms back, “OK. Now you’re fucked.”

“””””

Loco Domains has .info domains for only $4.99, .com only $9.99.

My mate broke his leg so I went to see him at home. I walked in and what do I see? He had two gorgeous older sisters, and they’re TWINS ! I had never met them before, apparently they live at the uni and were visiting.

Anyway, so I went up to my friend’s room, “How are you mate?”
“Yeah I’m okay. But do me a favour mate. Go fetch my socks from downstairs. My feet are freezing.” he tells me.

So I rushed downstairs and found his two sisters perched up on the couch, right where his socks lay.
I say to them, “Your brother has sent me down here to have sex with both of you”

They respond “Get away with ya… Prove it.”

I shouted upstairs, “Hey, mate! Both of them?”

He shouted back “Of course both of them! What’s the point in fucking one?”

“””””

Loco Domains has .info domains for only $4.99, .com only $9.99.

3 brothers own a cow, which suddenly dies. The cow being almost a part of their family and a major income source for the family, the 3 brothers become very heartbroken and decide to commit suicide in the river. So they approach the river and are almost about to jump in when a fairy comes out of the river.

Fairy: “If anyone of you is able to satisfy me sexually, I’ll bring the cow back from the dead.”

Brother 1 takes her into the jungle and comes back with her after 1 hour. The fairy says she’s not impressed.

Brother 2 takes her into the jungle and comes back with her after 3 hours. The fairy says she’s still not impressed.

Now brother 3 takes her into the jungle and comes back with her the next day after almost 24 hours.

The fairy clearly exhausted and almost dead, says to the other 2 brothers, “I’m giving your cow back. Your brother is just insane. I haven’t seen such raw sexual stamina before.”

“Well”, one of the brother replies, “How do you think the cow died?”

“””””

Loco Domains has .info domains for only $4.99, .com only $9.99.