Two economists are walking in a forest when they come across a pile of shit.

The first economist says to the other “I’ll pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit.” The second economist takes the $100 and eats the pile of shit.

They continue walking until they come across a second pile of shit. The second economist turns to the first and says “I’ll pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit.” The first economist takes the $100 and eats a pile of shit.

Walking a little more, the first economist looks at the second and says, “You know, I gave you $100 to eat shit, then you gave me back the same $100 to eat shit. I can’t help but feel like we both just ate shit for nothing.”

“That’s not true”, responded the second economist. “We increased the GDP by $200!”

“””””

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A Chinese Doctor can’t find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside reading ‘GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.’

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.”

Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 14 and put 3 drops in patient’s mouth.”
Lawyer: “Ugh. this is kerosene.”

Chinese: “Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me my $20.”

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to try to recover his money.

Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.”

Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 14 and put 3 drops in his mouth.”

Lawyer (annoyed): “This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.”

Chinese: “Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20.”

The fuming lawyer pays him, then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: “My eyesight has become very weak I cannot see at all.”

Chinese: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100.”

Lawyer (staring at the note): “But this is $20, not $100!”

Chinese: “Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20”

“””””

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Little Benny was very sick, and the doctors had given up hope.

As a last present, his parents brought him to Arabia on a trip. While they were walking through a market, little Benny bought a lamp from a vendor.

When he arrived home, he rubbed the lamp to clean it, and, to his surprise, a genie popped out in a flash of light.

“What is it that you require?”, the genie boomed. “I just want to get better,” little Benny replied.
“Very well,” said the genie. “But on one condition: as per the custom of my people, you can never shave your face. If you do, you will be turned into a Persian urn.”

Little Benny eagerly agreed, and the genie disappeared. When little Benny went to the doctor again, he was shocked to see that Benny had completely recovered.

Years go by. Benny has grown up and gotten married. All this time, he had kept his word, and never shaven once. However, it was beginning to get to him. It was hard to sleep at night because of the heavy beard and the itching.

One night, he decides he has had enough and grabs a razor to shave. His wife tries to talk him out of it, but he doesn’t listen.

As soon as the razor cuts a single hair, he transforms into a large Persian urn.
The moral of the story? A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

“””””

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A dwarf with a lisp goes to visit a stud farm.
“I’d like to buy a horth”
He says to the owner of the farm.
“What sort of horse?”
Said the owner.

“A female horth”
The dwarf replies.

So the owner shows him a lovely mare.
“Nithe horth.”
Says the dwarf,
“Can I thee her eyeth?”

So the owner picks up the dwarf and holds him to show him the horses eyes.
“Nithe eyeth.”
Says the dwarf,
“Can I thee her teeth?”

Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth.
“Very nithe teeth…. can I see her eerth?”
The dwarf says.

By now the owner is getting a little fed up but doesn’t want to risk spoiling the sale
Again he picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears.
“Nithe eerth”

He says.
“Now. ..can I see her twot?”

With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail, right into the lady parts.

He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says:

“Perhaps I should weefwaze that…”

“Can I see her wun awound?”

“””””

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