A man wanted to literally die with his money, so he trusted a third of his money to a Priest, a third to a Doctor, and a third to his Lawyer to bury him with it when he died.

After his death, at the man’s funeral the priest whispered to his dead body and placed a bag in his coffin. The doctor then proceeded to whisper to the body and placed a bag in there as well. Then the lawyer went and dropped off a bag and moved on.

As they were carpooling back from the funeral the lawyer asked what the priest whispered. The priest — with tears in his eyes — said that he had to confess he spent some of the money on an orphanage so that some hungry kids would not starve and that he feels bad for what he had done, but that he had no choice. The doctor then admits that he too had to let him know that one of his patients needed a surgery that he alone could not do, that he spent some of the money to save the person’s life. The lawyer looks at them with scorn and says, “how could you? You have betrayed a man’s last and dying request!” The doctor and priest look at the lawyer and asks, “so your bag had all the money he entrusted you with?” To which he replies, “damn right, I wrote the check for the full amount, not a penny less!”

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Pastor Jim was coming home late one night, when he found the whole village having a party at the local pub

He decides to check it out. He walks in to find all the men naked, and all the women blindfolded.

“What in the name of the lord is happening here?”, he asks in shock.

“Come on in, pastor Jim, we’re playing a game” says one of the drunken men.

“What kind of games is this?” inquires the pastor.

“The women must guess whose dick it is through touch alone. It’s fun, come join us” says the man.

The pastor says: “I’m a man of God, I can not possibly partake in this sort of unholy games”.

The man says: “Oh come on, pastor, your name has already come up six times. Come on in!”

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A rural farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house. The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire with a steel chain and collar.

The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

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A young man was showing of his new sportscar to his girlfriend she was thrilled at the speed.

“If i do 200 km/h, will you take all of your clothes off?”

The girlfriend felt adventurous, and said “yes, of course”

He brought the car up to the 200 km/h benchmark. However, he was unable to keep his eyes on the road and the car swerved, then flipped over. the Naked girl was thrown clear, but the boyfriend got stuck in a hole.

“Go and get help” he yelled.

“I can’t I’m naked!”

“take my shoe, he said, and cover yourself.”

Holding the shoe to her pubes she ran off, down the road. she came to a gas station, and ran inside to the proprietor.

“Please help, my boyfriend got stuck in a hole!”

The proprietor look at her. looked at the shoe, and then said: “there’s nothing I can do, he’s too far in. ”

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