A Bodybuilder, a Muslim, a Buddhist monk, and an American
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A Bodybuilder, a Muslim, a Buddhist monk, and an American

4 guys meet in hell. A Bodybuilder, a Muslim, a Buddhist monk, and an American.

Satan comes over, whip in hand, and says:

-Those who endure 10 whiplashes can go to Heaven, the rest will stay here in Hell!

The American glances at the bodybuilder and is about to argue when Satan interrupts him,

-Everyone can choose 1 thing to place at your back and protect you from the whiplashes. Let’s start.

The bodybuilder steps up, with full conviction, he chooses a large and heavy metal shield to protect his back. Then, Satan starts with the whiplashes,

1…2… And the shield breaks apart. The 3rd never came, the bodybuilder screamed ‘Please NO, I give up!’

The Muslim steps forward this time. With a smug face, he asks for the physical manifestation of his faith to protect his back. He had done lots of terrible things, but it was all in the name of faith and it would protect him now.

1…2…3…and his faith began to waver…4…5…6… And the sound of something breaking could be heard. Before there was a 7th, he cries out pathetically ‘stop, stop, stop. Please stop!!’

Here comes the Buddhist monk’s turn. He asks for no protection, for pain is in the mind, he will hide behind nothing, and his body would endure any torment!

1…2…3… And he grits his teeth…4…5…6… Tears could be seen in his eyes…7…8…9…10… There is snot coming out of his nose and his back is badly mutilated. But he made it.

Now it’s the American’s turn. He is asked, by Satan, what does he choose to protect his back. The American ponders for a little while, and then calmly says,

-The monk.

“””””

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Doctor was accused of murder
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Doctor was accused of murder

A doctor was accused of murdering someone by performing an autopsy while the patient was still alive

During the court case, the attorney looked at the doctor and said, “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”

The doctor said no

“Did you check for breathing?”

The doctor again said no.

The attorney said, “so then, is it at all possible, that the patient was still alive during the autopsy?”

The doctor, once again, said no.

The attorney said, “how can you be so sure doctor?”

The doctor replied saying, “his brain was in a jar on my desk.”

The attorney said, “nevertheless, is it still a possibility he was alive?”

“Yes,” said the doctor. “It is completely possible he was alive and practicing law.

“””””

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Bert and Ernie had worked together
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Bert and Ernie had worked together

Bert and Ernie had worked together as radio hosts for twenty years.
They traded jokes, played pop music and generally made people’s lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.

In one of the breaks they received a Fax. Ernie picked up the page and was in shock. Ernie silently reread the fax message from civil defense. As licensed broadcasters they were legally obligated to alert the public, to tell them the nukes were flying and that in a few minutes, all of the world’s troubles would be over.

What was the point of that though? To torture people with the knowledge of something they couldn’t change?
Their eyes met and a decision was reached. Bert put on their most requested song, a sugary top 40 tune while Ernie produced a bottle of bourbon from under the desk. As their producer banged on the locked studio door, the colleagues toasted the end of a long career.

Bert, always the consummate professional, turned away from the window as the first explosion split the distant horizon. He straightened his tie, tucked in his shirt and brushed his hair back. He would meet his fiery death with dignity.

Bert turned to Ernie and said in a quiet, resigned voice, “How do I look, Ernie?”
Ernie walked slowly over to his friend. He looked into Bert’s face and saw the closeness they shared, the strength of their relationship, forged over the years. took a deep breath and spoke quietly:
“With your eyes, Bert.”

“””””

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A woman is walking her dog
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A woman is walking her dog

A woman is walking her dog along the pier. When suddenly the dog slips and falls in to the rough sea below. Distraught, she begins to scream for help as the waves drag the dog deeper and deeper.

Out of nowhere a German man dives in, brings it ashore, resuscitates it and the dog gets up as if nothing has happened.

The woman, who is incredibly thankful to the man says “Thank you so so much, you’ve saved my dogs life, are you a vet??” to which the German man replies “VET??? I’M FUCKING SOAKING”

“””””

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