As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus- stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the “stop” bell, then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.

The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: “What the hell are you doing? This dog’s a genius!” The owner responds, “Genius, my ass… It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys!”

“””””

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Dugly is stranded on an island. He starts hopelessly wandering around and hides behind the bushes when he comes upon a local tribe of cannibals and their cannibal king sitting on a golden throne.

“I’m screwed.” Dugly whispers to himself.

Then, out of nowhere, appears a wise old man. “No, you are not.” he says to Dugly, and proceeds to pick up a small rock from the ground. “You must take this magic rock and throw it at the cannibal king.”

Dugly desperately throws the stone and hits the cannibal king right in the forehead. He looks back at the old man. “Now what?”

The wise old man smiles and says “Ah, see, now you are screwed.”

“””””

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An Irishman is walking on a beach when he stubs his toe on an old metal box. He opens the lid And a Genie pops out and praises him for letting him out after 500 years.

He offers him a wish… and the Irishman says… every evening after dinner when I pee, I want to pee the finest Irish Whiskey.

Done says the genie and vanishes in a flash.

That evening after dinner he puts two glasses on the table and proceeds to fill them with the whiskey.

He and his wife absolutely swear it’s the best whiskey they’ve ever drunk.

This continues for the entire week.

On that Friday the wife prepares dinner and after clearing the dishes, sees only one glass on the table.

She says Hon’ Where’s my glass?

Tonight – You drink from the bottle!

“””””

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A flat-chested young woman reads an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Dugly could enlarge your breasts without surgery.

So she decided to go to Dr. Dugly to see if he could help her.

Dr. Dugly advised her, “Every day after your shower, rub your breasts and chant, “Scooby doobie doobies. I want bigger boobies!”

She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew to a terrific D-cup rack!
One morning when she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.

Frightened she might lose her large tits if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle on the bus, closed her eyes and said, “Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.”
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked, “Are you a patient of Dr. Dugly?”

“Yes I am..how did you know?”

He winked and whispered, “Hickory dickory dock…”

“””””

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