A German walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender tells him : “20 euros!”
The German is shocked – “20 euros? yesterday it was only 3 euros !”
“Well, today it is 20 euros.”
– “But why 20, damn it?”
Bar tender : “I’ll explain it,
-3 euros is beer,
-3 to help Ukraine,
-4 assistance to European countries who have imposed sanctions and are not members of the EU.
-4 euros in aid to the UK, for successful implementation of sanctions against Russia.
-Then 3 euros are sent to the Balkan countries as aid to buy furnace coal.
– and finally, 3 euros for a gas subsidy for the EU and fund to help maintain sanctions!”
The German silently took out the money and gave the bartender 20 euros.
The bartender took them, entered in the cash register and gave him 3 euros back.
German in disbelief : “Wait, you said 20 euros, right ? I gave you 20, why are you giving me back 3 euros?”
“Ahh… We have no beer!”

“””””

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Once a wealthy old religious woman caught a burglar ransacking her things. She had lived her whole life as a celibate, almost like a nun.

”Listen lady, keep quiet if you don’t want to be hurt. Just tell me where your jewels are.” She said, ”I don’t keep them here. They are in the bank in the safe-deposit vault.” ”Where is all your silver then?” ”I am sorry, but it is all out, being cleaned and polished.” ”Give me your money then.”

”I tell you,” she said, ”I don’t keep any cash on hand.” ”Listen lady, I am warning you ­ give me your money or I will rip it off you.” And he started feeling her up and down. ”I keep telling you,” she said, ”I don’t have any money. But if you do that again I will write you a cheque.”

“””””

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A mom takes her daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter Suzie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”

The doctor gives Suzie a good examination, and then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Suzie is pregnant. About 4 months would be my guess.”

The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Suzie?”
Suzie says, “No mom! I’ve never even kissed a man!”

The doctor walks over to the window and just stares out of it.

A few moments later, the mother says, “Is there something wrong out there, doctor?”

The doctor replies, “No, not really. It’s just that the last time something like this happened, a star appeared in the East and three wise men came over the hill with gifts. I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss it this time!”

“””””

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A marine, an army grunt, and an airman are having a beer and the army grunt is telling this story about how one time he found a scorpion in his tent.

Marine asks “what’d you do?”, and the grunt says he crushed it with his boot and flung it out the flap.

The marine laughs and says “what a sissy”. The grunt askes “well what would you do then?”

Marine replies “when a scorpion gets in my tent I usually cut off it’s tail while it’s still alive, keep it as a pet for a few days, might prank my senior officer with it, then eventually I cook it and eat it”.

The grunt feels a little embarrassed, then shifts focus to the airman and asks “what would you do?”

The airman says “I’d call the front desk and ask them why there’s a tent in my room”

——-

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