A polish man finds a magic lamp

A polish man finds a magic lamp that has a genie. Its the usual schtick, 3 wishes and all. So the man says to the genie, I want for a horde of mongolians to come to my country, kill and pillage, and go home.
The genie thinks this is odd, but obliges. The mongolians make it to the farmlands at the border, kill and pillage, then return home.

The man then, as his second wish, wishes for a horde of mongolians to come to poland to kill and pillage.
The genie, really not understanding this man at all, snaps his fingers, and then another horde comes, this time to the first town on polish land, kills and pillages, and then returns home.

The polish man, satisfied with his first two wishes, then says to the genie, “Genie, I wish for a horde of mongolians to come to poland to kill and pillage.”

The genie, completely dumbstruck, complies. This time the horde reaches the first major city, kills and pillages, and then leaves to return home.

After this, the genie asks, why? why would you want a mongolian horde to come to your land three separate times to kill and pillage?

The pole responds, “If they came to poland three times, it means they went through russia 6.”
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Horrible itch in his ass

A man went to the doctor with a horrible itch in his ass. After an examination, the doctor gave him his diagnosis:

– You have an enormous tapeworm in there. This is not a matter of normal treatment, so my advice to you is to insert a boiled egg in your anus followed by a gummy bear. Call me tomorrow.

The man did as the doctor said. However, the itch did not go away, and when he woke up that morning, it was even worse than before. So he called the doctor:

– The treatment you gave me did not work, my itch in my ass is even worse now!

– Don’t worry, it will. Repeat the same procedure today and call me tomorrow.

The man did once again shove a boiled egg and a gummy bear up his ass. But when he woke up the next morning, his itch was worse than ever. He called the doctor once again:

– What kind of doctor are you? Every time I’ve done as you told me, my itch has only gotten worse!
– Don’t worry. Boil another egg, but bring it to my office, and take a hammer along with you.
The man, who could barely walk because of his pain, did as the doctor said.

When he came to the doctor’s office, the doctor told him to lie down and spread his legs. The doctor then proceeded to shove the boiled egg up the man’s ass. He waited a while before the tapeworm came out saying:
– Hey! Why didn’t I get a gummy bear this time?

And BAM! The doctor slammed the tapeworm with the hammer and killed it.

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Surrounded by cannibals

A man finds himself in a jungle surrounded by cannibals.Seeing no possible way to escape, he says to himself, “Oh God, I’m screwed!”

Suddenly a light shines down from the heavens upon the man and he hears the voice of God, and God says, “No my son. You’re not screwed. You see the rock on the ground next to you? The pointy one? Take it and throw it as hard as you can at their leader.”

So, gathering his courage, the man grabs the rock as he was told and throws it with all his might at their leader. The rock soars through the air with uncanny speed and accuracy and bashes the leader square in between the eyes, instantly killing him. As his body drops to the ground the rest of the cannibals stare in disbelief, jaws dropped and eyes darting back and forth between the man and their fallen leader.

Just then the light shines back down upon the man and he hears the voice of God again, and God says, “NOW you’re screwed!”

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American a Russian and an Indian meet in a Bar

An American a Russian and an Indian meet in a Bar. They start boasting about their countries.

The American said “We dug deep and found thick wires. So we had a telegraph system in the past too!”

The Russian said ” That’s nothing. We dug deep and found thin wires. That means we already had phones in the past!”

Then the Indian says “We dug deep and found nothing!”

So the other two started laughing and said “what’s there to boast about?”

The Indian said “That means we always had wireless!”
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