Little Johnny’s mom was cooking dinner one evening and from the kitchen, she hears Little Johnny playing with his train set and smiles. Suddenly, she hears, “All you mother fuckers getting on, get on. All you mother fuckers getting off, get off.”

She storms into the living room and says, “Johnny, go to your room and think about what you’ve said.”
A short while, he comes back down to the kitchen and says, “I’m sorry for what I said, Mommy. Can I play with my train set again?

His mom, preoccupied, agrees and gets back to work on dinner.

Five minutes later, she hears, “All you mother fuckers getting on, get on. All you mother fuckers getting off, get off. And all you mother fuckers who have a problem with the time delay, go talk to the bitch in the kitchen.”
“””””

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A jobless man applied for the position of ‘office boy’ at a very big company.

The employer interviewed him, then a test: clean the floor.

“You are hired.” – the employer said. ”Give me your email address, and I’ll send you the application to fill out, as well as when you will start.”

The man replied, “I don’t have a computer or an email.”

“I’m sorry,” said the employer, “if you don’t have an email that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.”

The man left with no hope. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 USD in his pocket.

He then decided to go to the supermarket, bought a 10kg tomato crate, then sold the tomatoes door to door. In less than two hours, he succeeded and doubled his capital.

He repeated the operation 3 times and returned home with $60 USD. The man realized that he could survive this way, and started to go every day earlier, and returned late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly later, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
Five years later, the man’s company was one of the biggest food retailers. He started to plan his family’s future and decided to have life insurance.

He called an insurance broker and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him for his email. The man replied: “I don’t have an email.”

The broker replied curiously, “You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Do you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?”

The man paused for a while, and replied: “An office boy!”

“””””

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Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were
disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as …
Sinko de Mayo.

“””””

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An old couple goes out for lunch. They order one burger, one small fry, and one drink. The man gets an extra cup and pours half of the drink into the other cup, gets a plastic knife and cuts the burger in half, and dumps out the fries and divides them.

I noticed and asked if they needed a few bucks to buy another meal. The old man said, “No sir, we share everything. Split it all right down the middle. Always have since the day we were married.”
I said “Fair enough, it seems to be working out for you.” Then I noticed that the lady was almost finished eating and the man hadn’t even touched his food. I told him “You might want to dig in before it gets cold.” He smiled and said “I will in a moment, it’s my wife’s turn with the dentures.”

“””””

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