A stoner rubs a bong and a genie comes out, offering three wishes.

The stoner says, “ok for my first wish, I want a six inch joint.” And poof! A joint appears and the stoner and genie sit down and smoke it together.

“For my second wish, I want a 12 inch blunt!” And poof! A blunt appears and the stoner and genie sit down and smoke it together.

“Ok now for my third wish, I want an 18 inch monster roll with a THC-concentrate core!” And poof! The biggest blunt you’ve ever seen appears and the stoner and genie sit down and smoke it together.

Finally the genie gets up and slowly starts to stagger away. Then he stops, turns, and comes back and says “alright man what are your three wishes”.

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A millionaire was riding in his Bentley when he saw a lady eating grass in a pasture near the road.

Perturbed, he stopped his car and got out to check on her. “Why are you eating grass?” he asked her.

“I am very poor and do not have any money, so I have to eat grass“ the lady replied.

“Well then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the millionaire said.

“But sir, I have a husband and 4 children with me. They are over there, across the street.”

“Bring them along!“ the millionaire responded.

They all squeezed into the car. Halfway to his house, one of the kids turned to the millionaire and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The millionaire replied, “Happy to do it. Y’all will LOVE my place; the grass is nearly a foot high!”

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The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “OK. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you OK?” the auditor asks.

“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”

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A cowboy gets killed out on the prairie in ambush by 100s of Indians. When his body gets back to his wife she hires the best artist in the west to to paint his last thoughts the artists paints for days then invites the wife over to take a look.

She is dumbfounded, the painting is full of cows with wings, and little halos and in between is loads of native Americans having sex in all sorts of positions. The wife says “wtf is this i asked you to paint paint my husbands last thoughts” the artist says “madam these are your husbands last thougts, holy cow, look at all those fucking indians”

“””””

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