Jay and Dugly want to go drink in a bar. Problem is, they have no money. “No problem” says Jay, “I have a cunning plan. Take this sausage and put it in your boxer. We go into the bar, drink a couple of beer and when they come with the tab you open your pant and let the sausage out. I go down on it and they will kick us out and we won’t have to pay.”

Dugly agrees, takes the sausage and off they go in the bar. They drink, and after two or three rounds they see the bartender coming with the tab. So Dugly openes his trousers and shows part of the sausage, and Jay goes to town on it. Bartender is not amused and kicks them out.

Happy that it works they go to the next pub. Same game, they drink, have fun and when the tab arrives they play dip the sausage and get thrown out.

This goes on for a couple of bars, until after one throw down (or throw out) Jay shakes his head and tells Dugly “Sorry old friend, I can’t take any more beer or sausage tonight”. Dugly looks at him and answers “You have it easy, I lost the sausage three bars ago…”

“””””

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A group of newly-hatched kindergarteners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use big people words,” she’d always remind them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

“I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people words!”

She then asked Mitchell what he had done.

“I took a ride on a choo-choo.”

“No, you took a ride on a train,” said the teacher. “Use big people words”.

She then asked Bobby what he had done.

“I read a book,” he replied.

“That’s wonderful!” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”

Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, “Winnie the Shit.”

“””””

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An engineer, a mathematician and an economist go on a work interview

First up is the engineer. The employer asks him what is 2+2 is?

The engineer a little confused answer 4 of course.

The employer thanks him and calls in the mathematician.

Again, he asks what 2+2 is?

The mathematician states that with high certainty it’s around 4.

The employer thanks him and calls in the economist.

Again, he asks what 2+2 is?

The economist looks around, stands up and closes the curtains before he bends down and whispers: What do you want it to be?

“””””

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Daniel fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women.

He couldn’t believe his good fortune. They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a week with the only man.

Daniel threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months, he found himself looking forward to that day of rest more and more eagerly.
One afternoon he was sitting on the beach and wishing for some more men to share his duties when he caught sight of a man waving from a life raft that was bobbing on the waves. Daniel swam out, pulled the raft to shore, and did a little jig of happiness.

“You can’t believe how happy I am to see you,” he cried.

The new fellow eyed him up and down and cooed, “You’re a sight for sore eyes, too, you gorgeous thing!”
“Crap,” sighed Daniel, “there go my Sundays.”

“””””

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