1. Virginity like bubble, one prick – all gone.

2. Man who run in front of car get tired.

3. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

4. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

5. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

6. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

7. Man with one chopstick go hungry.

8. Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

9. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

10. Baseball is wrong; man with four balls cannot walk.

11. Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.

12. War does not determine who is right; war determine who is left.

13. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

14. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

15. It take many nails to build crib, only one screw to fill it.

16. Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

17. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

18. Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

19. Man who fish in other mans well often catch crabs.

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Little Red Riding Hood is skipping thru the forest road when she sees the big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf.

The wolf jumps up and runs away.

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf.

Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.

About 1/4 mile down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf.

With that the wolf jumps up and screams, Will you knock it off, Im trying to poop!

……………..

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A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women that he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:

I dont remember which one you are. Please remove your pictures and send the rest back.

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Eleven women were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest.

Ten were blonde, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didnt happen the rope would break, and everyone would perish.

For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.

The blondes applauded.

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