Three guys compare their stories of how drunk they were the night before. The first guy says, I was so drunk, I went home and beat my wife.

The second guy says, That is nothing, I went home, knocked over a candle, and burned my house down.

The third guys says, Now THAT is nothing. I went home and blew chunks.

The other two guys say, So what? That isnt bad at all.

The third guy responds, I dont think you understand. Chunks is my dog.

……………..

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

A man walks into a tattoo parlor and says he would like a $100 dollar bill on his dick. Well the tattoo artist laughs and says Ill do it for free if you can give me one good reason for it.

The guy thinks for a second and says. Well one, I like to keep my money in my pants, two I like to watch my money grow, and three I want to see how fast my wife can blow a 100.

……………..

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a card, wrote Revelation 3:20 on the back and stuck it in the door. (Revelation 3:20 begins Behold, I stand at the door and knock.)

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10. Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. (Genesis 3:10 reads, I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.)

……………..

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the towns most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldnt you like to give back to the community in some way?

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, Um …. no.

The lawyer interrupts, or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

or that my sisters husband died in a traffic accident, the lawyers voice rising in indignation, leaving her penniless with three children?!

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, I had no idea….

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, So if I dont give any money to them, why should I give any to you?

……………..

Get rid of Acne ! Buy Acne Control today!