Joke of the Day – Pet Monkey

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s nursing it the monkey runs wild: he jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender is livid and says to the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” “No, what did that stupid shit do this time?” asks the patron. “Well, he just swallowed the cue ball from the pool table,” says the bartender. “Yeah, well I hope it kills the little shit because he’s been driving me nuts,” replies the patron. The guy finishes his drink and leaves. Two weeks later he comes back in with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is nursing his drink, the monkey finds a grape on the bar. He grabs the grape, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks. “What now?” responds the patron. “Well, he stuck a grape up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it,” says the barkeeper. “Well, what did you expect?” replied the patron. “Ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”

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Joke of the Day – Kids Answers

On the role of handsomeness and beauty in love:

“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” Anita C., age 8

“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” Brian, age 7

“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.” Christine, age 9

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Joke of the Day – Kids Answers

On what falling in love is like:

“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” John, age 9

“If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.” Glenn, age 7

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Joke of the Day – Kids answers

Concerning why love happens between two people:
“One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too.” Andrew, age 6

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell… That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” Mae, age 9

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” Manual, age 8

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