A nasty, sweaty, amazon woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walks into a bar.

She raises her arm, revealing a big hairy armpit. She points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks:

“What man out there will buy a lady a drink?”

The whole bar goes dead silent, as the drinkers try to ignore her, nobody makes eye contact.

At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says:

“Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!”

The bartender pours the drink and the woman proceeds to drink.

A little while later, after she is done, she turns again to the bar and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and asking:

“What man out there will buy a lady a drink?”

Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says:

“Bartender, I’d like to buy the ballerina another drink!”

After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, “It’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?”

The drunk replies, “Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!”.

……………..

Find the best dating sites on the net at FreshPersonals.com !

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor
replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.

If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a
storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the
following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.

9. David was hit by a rock and got knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

10.We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat, for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me.”

12. The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry,”

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.

……………..

Get some great Gift Ideas at GiftWeblog.com !

Roger just got a new rifle and is all excited about it. So, he goes bear hunting in Alaska. The first bear he sees is a little brown bear, and he kills it with his first shot. There is a tap on his shoulder, and he turns around to see a big black bear. The black bear says “You’ve got 2 choices. One, I maul you to death or Two, we have sex.” Roger bends over for the bear. He’s sore for 2 days, but he recovers and vows revenge. Roger heads out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear and kills him. At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A huge grizzly is standing right behind him. The grizzly says, “That was a big mistake. You’ve got 2 choices, “Either I maul you to death or we have sex.” Roger bends over. He survives, but he’s really hurting and takes quite a bit of time to recover, and, he’s outraged. Sure enough, he heads back to Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank range. There’s a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find an enormous polar bear, and the polar bear says; “You don’t really come here for the hunting, do you?”

……………..

Loco Domains has .com domains for only $10.99!

There was a guy sitting at a bar, just staring at his glass.

A truck carrying liquor arrives. The trucker comes in, orders a drink and says to the bartender,
“Lookit that guy over there. He won’t drink his beer. I’ll go drink it 4 ‘im.”

He walks over to the man, grabs his glass and gulps the drink down.

The man starts crying, and the trucker says “Ah, ya dum’ bloke! bartender, get this loser a drink!”

The man replies, “No,no,no, it’s not that! First, I fell asleep at work again, so my boss fired me,

then, while I was heading home my car broke down, so I had to walk home.

Then my wife said, ‘I don’t want you so please leave.’

Then I came here and wasted all my money drinking, and there you go drinking my POISON!!!”

……………..

Loco Domains has .com domains for only $10.99!