Joke of the Day – Intelligent Dog

A dog walks into a butcher shop, spends a number of minutes looking at the meat on display, and eventually indicates with a nod of his head and a bark that he would like some lamb chops.

The butcher, thinking the dog would know no better, picks up the lowest quality chops in the shop.

The dog barks furiously and continues to bark until the butcher selects the finest chops from the display counter.

The butcher weighs the meat and asks the dog for $5.90. Again, the dog barks furiously until the butcher reduces the bill to the correct price of $3.60.

The dog hands over a five dollar note and the butcher gives him 40 cents in change. Once again, the dog barks continuously until the butcher tenders the correct change. The dog then picks up his package and leaves the shop.

Now, the butcher is extremely impressed and decides that he would like to own a dog so clever. He shuts up shop and follows the dog to see where it goes.

After ten minutes or so, the dog climbs the steps to a house. When it gets to the top, it shakes its head as though in frustration, gently places the package of meat on the floor and, standing on its hind legs, rings the doorbell.

A man opens the door and starts to yell obscenities at the dog. As he does so, the horrified butcher leaps up the steps and begs the man to stop. “It’s such an intelligent dog,” he says, “surely it doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment.”

He then went on to explain how the dog had procured the best lamb chops in the shop, insisted on paying the advertised price and quibbled over incorrect change!

The man looked at the butcher and said, “Intelligent he may be, but this is the third time this week he’s forgotten his keys”.

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Joke of the Day – Invitation to Dinner

“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”

“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking fancy meal!”

“I know all that.”

“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”

“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”

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Joke of the Day – The Cab Driver

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night. The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look friend, don’t EVER do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”

The passenger apologizes and says he didn’t realize that a “little tap” could scare him so much.

The driver, after gathering himself together replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault.

Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving hearses for the last 25 years!

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Joke of the Day – Golfing Partner

One night, Peter was home watching TV when his wife entered the room and asked, “If I died, would you remarry?”

Peter thought for a second then said “Yeah I guess I would”.

Then his the wife asked, “well would you have her as your golfing partner?”

Peter replied, “yep I probably would do that too”.

“But surely you wouldn’t give her my clubs?!”, she cried.

Peter looked at her and said, “Nah, shes left handed.”

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