A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. “Hello there,” says the man, “and what is your name?”
“Hello,” giggles the woman, “I’m Stacey. What’s yours?”

“I’m Jim.”

“Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??”

“Sure!” replies Jim, “Let’s go!”

So Stacey takes Jim to her house and takes him to her room. Jim sits down on the bed and notices a picture of a man on Stacey’s desk. “Stacey, I noticed the picture of a man on your desk,” Jim says.

“Yes? And what about it?” asks Stacey.

“Is it your brother?”

“No, it isn’t, Jim!” Stacey giggles. Jim’s eyes widen, suspecting that it might be Stacey’s husband.

When he finally asks, “Is it your husband?”

Stacey giggles even more, “No, silly!” Jim was relieved.

“Then, it must be your boyfriend!”

Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim’s ear. She says, “No, silly!!”

“Then, who is it?” Jim asks.

Stacey replies, “That’s me BEFORE my operation!!”

Three guys are walking in an abandoned warehouse. They find a genie bottle. They decide to rub it.

A genie pops out. He says, “I will grant you each one wish, but there’s a catch. Whatever you wish for, a lawyer will get 2 times more than that.”

The first guy says, “I want a million dollars.” The genie says, “Are you sure?” He says yes. *poof* The guy has one million dollars, and a lawyer gets two million.

The second guy says “I want a new car.” The genie says, “A lawyer is getting two new cars then.”

The guy says, “Oh well. I want my car.” *poof* He has a new porche.

The third guy says, “I want to be beaten half to death.”

……………..

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Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord…
“God, what does a million years mean to you?”

The Lord replies, “A minute.”

“Einstein asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?”

The Lord replies, “A penny.”

Einstein asks, “Can I have a penny?”

The Lord replies, “In a minute.”

……………..

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A guy named Bob is travelling by Amtrak with two strangers sitting close to him.

He is trying to sleep, but those guys were speaking loudly for a very long time heavily criticizing George Bush, the war in Iraq, corruption, unemployment, etc.

So Bob, in an attempt to force the guys to stop talking and let him sleep, tells them as a joke, that there is a new total control system developed by the FBI that spies upon all citizens, and there are lots of listening devices everywhere, so that anyone criticizing the government would be severely punished.

This didnt have any effect on those guys, moreover they just laughed at Bob, and carried on and on, saying even more rude jokes about George Bush and the government.

Finally, close to 3:00 am, Bob goes to the restroom, and runs into the train conductor.

Bob asks the conductor to bring him some water and sleeping pills at exactly 3:00 a.m.

He goes back to his place and says loudly into the base of his seat, so that talkative guys could hear him:

“If the FBI director can hear me: could you please bring me a glass of water and some sleeping pills at 3:00 a.m., because there are some idiots here who are speaking too loudly about some political issues and wont let me sleep.”

The guys continue talking.

Exactly at 3:00 am, the door opens and the conductor comes out, and gives Bob the water and some sleeping pills.

The guys are shocked and finally stop talking. Bob is happy and manages to fall asleep…

When he wakes in the morning, the talkative guys are no where to be found.

Out of curiosity he asks the conductor about them, (also remembering that there shouldnt have been any stops at night).

The conductor replies that some people in black suits stopped the train and arrested those guys.

Bob is completely shocked and surprised and asks about why he was not arrested.

The conductor answers that he doesnt have a clue but one of the guys in black suits said that the director of the FBI liked Bobs joke about the water and pills…

……………..

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