One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

“It’s certainly not a ship”, he thinks to himself.

As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned guy and says, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

“Ten years,” replies the stunned man.

With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!!”

“And how long has it been since you’ve had a sip of bourbon?” she asks him.

Trembling the castaway replies, “Ten years.”

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.

He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, “WOW, that’s absolutely fantastic!”

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively, and asks, “And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”

With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs, “Oh good Lord! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there too?”

……………..

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An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually.

After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.

She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback, and after a long-distance courtship, they decide to get married.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.

“What happened?” she asks.

“I’ve never been with a woman,” he says. “But if it’s anything like screwing a kangaroo I’m gonna need all the room I can get!”

……………..

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There was a blonde that lived in a small house on the corner of 4th Avenue.

She had a small shed in her backyard where she kept gardening tools. One day, she thought she saw smoke coming out of the roof of the shed.

In a panic she called 911. They answered and said “This is Joe Anderson is there an emergency?”

The blonde replied “Yes my shed is on fire!!!” Joe said, “Don’t panic help in on the way…where do you live?”

The blonde said, “IN A HOUSE NOW HURRY!!”

Joe calmly responded back, “How are we supposed to get there?”

The blonde answered back, “DUH!!! A BIG RED TRUCK!”

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One spring morning, a blonde was excited to try out her new boat.

She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.

After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek professional help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.

The workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems.

Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.

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