Wee Hughie came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him.

“What’s the story this time. Hughie?” he asked sarcastically, “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.”

Wee Hughie sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning. The wife decided to drive me to the harbour. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the ferry didn’t turn up.

Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, ran over the mountain, borrowed a bicycle and cycled the 20 miles through the glen to this office, and here I am!”

“You’ll have to do better than that, Hughie,” said his boss, disappointed, “No woman can be ready in ten minutes.”

……………..

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An Englishman an Irishman and a Scottish man are walking when they see something shining at the top of a building.

They go up to see what it is, and see a lamp.

The Englishman picks it up and rubs it and a genie pops out and says there is a slide at the top of that building. When you slide down it whatever you say you land in a pit of it at the bottom.

The Englishman slides down and says money. He lands in a pit of money.

The Irishman slides down and says beer. He lands in a pit of beer.

The Scottish man gets to the top of the slide, trips and says
“Oh, crap!”

……………..

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Middle of the night, middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road.

They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither is hurt.

It’s impossible to assess blame for the accident on either however. They both get out. One is a doctor, one is a lawyer.

The lawyer calls the police on his car phone; they’ll be there in 20 minutes.

It’s cold and damp, and both men are shaken up. The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts, drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who puts it away.

“Aren’t you going to have a drink?” the doctor asked.

“AFTER the police get here,” replies the lawyer.

……………..

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Three nuns were talking one sunny day in June.

The first nun said, “I was cleaning in Father’s room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!”

“What did you do?” the other nuns asked.

“Well, of course I threw them in the trash,” she replied.

The second nun said, “Well, I can top that. I was in Father’s room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!”

“Oh my!” gasped the other nuns.
“What did you do?” they asked.

“I poked holes in all of them!” she replied.

The third nun fainted.

……………..

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