Category: Joke of the Day

A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girl friend’s birthday and as they had only started dating, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: personal, but not too personal. Accompanied by the girl friend’s younger sister, he went to Herrod’s and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items mixed up and the sister got the gloves and the girl friend got the panties. The guy sent the package to the girl friend with the following note:

I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the sales clerk that helped me has a pair that she has been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night.

All my love.

PS: The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

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You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Answer:

Get off the children’s “Merry-Go-Round”, you’re drunk.

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A salesman is trying to call a client. The phone rings and their little boy, in a whisper, says, “Hello.”

SALESMAN: “Is your mommy there?
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “Yes.”
SALESMAN: “Can I speak with her?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “She’s busy.”
SALESMAN: “Is your daddy there?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “Yes.”
SALESMAN: “Can I speak with him?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “He’s busy.”
SALESMAN: “Is there anyone else there?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “The fire department.”
SALESMAN: “Can I talk to one of them?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “They’re busy.”
SALESMAN: “Is there anybody else there?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “The police department.”
SALESMAN: “Well, can I talk to one of them?”
LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “They’re busy.”

SALESMAN: “Let me get this straight, your mother, father, the fire department and the police department are all in your house, and they’re all busy. What are they doing?”

LITTLE BOY: (whisper) “They’re looking for me.”

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George W. Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing, and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, “I want to go to Disneyland.” George W. said, “No problem. I’ll take you there on Air Force One”.

The second kid said, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan’s.” George W. said, “I’ll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!”

The third kid said, “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!” George W. was a little perplexed by this and said, “But you don’t look like you are handicapped.” The kid replied, “I will be, after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!”

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