A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard.

Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof–and the horn–screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant and fully using obscenities, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, “I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian Fish’ emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car.”

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there were these three guys that were in a car wreck from drunk driving that died and went to heaven.the three guys ask god if they could have another chance on earth and god said yes but u cant step on a duck. the guys then asked god why a duck and god just replied dont step on a duck. so guy number one went back on the earth and afterwhile he stepped on a duck and was placed wit the ugliest woman in the world. guy number 2 also stepped on a duck and was also placed wit the most ugliest girl. guy number 3 just look and laughed sayin im glad i didnt step on a duck and was placed wit da most pretties girl in da world. he was happy wit da results in his woman dat he looked up 2 god sayin god wat did i do 2 recive da most prettiest girl ever…. his girlfriend looked at him and said i dont know about you but i stepped on a duck.

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A blond gets a job at a tickle me Elmo factory. About a week after she is hired, the department manager comes into the boss’s office yelling and screaming about all how bad the blond is doing. So the boss walks over to where the blond is, and sees her siting at the end of the toy line and has got it all backed up. She has a pair of scissors in her hand and a bag of marbles in her lap, and she is cutting holes between the legs of the elmos.

The boss just begins to laugh histericaly and falls on the floor, holding his gut. When he finally gets up, he tells the blond, “you are suppose to give the elmos two test tickles, not to testicles!!”

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Bubba was Alabama’s star lineman. He was great at football, but not at academics. The principal was letting it slide until one day he decided that Bubba’s grades HAD to be better. They decided to make him take a test. It was only one math problem. Everyone wanted to support Bubba out in the stands, so they held the test in the middle of the football stadium, so everyone could see. His math teacher went out to the center of the field with Bubba. It was test time. The teacher said, ”Ok, Bubba. What is six plus three?” Bubba sat and thought. Then he said, ”nine,” confidently.

But out in the stands, everyone was yelling, ”Aw, c’mon. Give him another chance!”

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