Joke of the Day – 10 Lateral Thinking jokes

Here are a bunch of lateral thinking jokes that i got over the past few years. Some of them you may have heared because they are pritty well known.

PS: The answers are at the bottom of the screen. PPS: It is best to have 2+ people. One that askes the Questions and 1+ to answer ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1)There was a man that was hung. When the detectives got there there was nothing in the room but a puddle. How did he die????

2) What is this famous expresion… 9547653821S13735784A79073F9654E74574T2957387Y6375487

3)There was a man in a scuba-diving suit in the middle of a burnt forest and he was dead. How did he get there?

4) There was a man i the the middle of a field with a pakage that could have saved his life on his back. What was the package and how did he get there?

5)A man walked into a room flicked on the switch, the lights flickered, and the man left the room content.

6)A man lives on the twelfth floor of an apartment building. Every morning he takes the elevator down to the lobby and leaves the building. In the evening, he gets into the elevator, and, if there is someone else in the elevator — or if it was raining that day — he goes back to his floor directly. Otherwise, he goes to the tenth floor and walks up two flights of stairs to his apartment.

7)In the middle of the ocean is a yacht. Several corpses are floating in the water nearby.

8) There is a woman that stole 3 golden nuggets all weiging 10 kg. She was running from the cops then she was faced with a dicision to cros a bridge that cound only suport 80kg or go to the cops. She chose to go arose the bridge. Howed she get across? PS: She weighs 70kg and cant leave any behind.

9) A Man Rockes up to a bar the bartender then pulls a gun out from under the cashregestra and the man says “Thanks” then leaves happily why??

10)A man is returning from Switzerland by train. If he had been in a non-smoking car he would have died. Why??

****BONUS****

11)A man is the only survivor on a ship wreck. He surches the island hes on and finds a Crab, a pot from the ship, planks of wood from the ship to make a hut, Some fresh water, some fire wood and 1 single match. He wants to make some crab soup. What should he light first??

12) Who is ths famous fictional character? HOROBOD?

Answers

1) He stood on a block of ice to hang himself.

2)SAFETY in numbers

3)A helicopter that sucks up water from the ocean sucked him up and dumped him in a Bushfire.

4)He was sky diving and the “package” was his parachute

5)He was an Execuioner and was going to give someone the chair

6)He’s a Dwarf. Need i say any more? (he can only reach up to the 10th floor if its raining then he can us an umbrella and if theres someone else in the elevator he can ask them)

7) Alternate Solution #1

A group of people were on an ocean voyage in a yacht. One day, they decided to go swimming — they put on their swimsuits and dove off the side. They discovered belatedly that they have forgotten to put a ladder down the side of the yacht and were unable to climb back in, so they drowned.

Alternate Solution #2

The same situation, but they set out a ladder that was just barely long enough. When they dove into the water, the boat, without their weight, rose slightly in the water, putting the ladder just out of reach.

8) She Juggled them.

9)The man had the hickups and the bartend was a caring person so he sacred him.

10)The man used to be blind — he’s returning from an eye operation which restored his sight. He spent all his money on the operation, so when the train (which had no internal lighting) goes through a tunnel, he thinks he’s gone blind again and decides to kill himself. But before he could do it, he saw the light of the cigarettes people were smoking and realized he could still see.

11)The match

12)Rob in Hood

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Joke of the Day – DUI

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, Where have you been? I’ve been to the pub, slurs the drunk.

Well, says the cop, it looks like you’ve had quite a few.

I did alright, the drunk says with a smile.

Did you know, says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?

Oh, thank heavens, sighs the drunk. For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.

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Joke of the Day – Redneck Pickup Lines

1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

2) Are your parents retarded, ’cause you sure are special.

3) My Love for you is like diarrhea .. I can’t hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card, ’cause I’d like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

6) If you and I were Squirrels, I’d store my nuts in your hole.

7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

8) Man – “Fat Penguin!” Woman – “WHAT?” Man – “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”

9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

10) I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

13) Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

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Joke of the Day – talking dog

Fred is driving around St. John’s, Newfoundland and he sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog for Sale. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. Fred goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there. “You talk?” he asks. “Yes, I do,” the Lab replies. “So, what’s your story?” The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discoveredthat I could talk when I was pretty young I wanted to help the government, so I told CSIS about my gift, and in no time at all, they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in Rooms with Spies and World Leaders, because no one figured a dog would be Eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.” “But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger, so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the St, John’s airport to do some undercover security. Wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.” “I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of Medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.” Fred is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. “Ten dollars,” the Newfie says. “Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?” “Because he’s a freakin’ liar. He never did any of that shit.”

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