Once there lived a man who had a passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they had a lively reaction on him.

Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she is such a sweet and gentle girl, she will never go for this kind of carrying on.”

So making the supreme sacrifice, he gave up baked beans. They were married shortly thereafter.

Months later, his car broke down on the way home from work, and he had to walk home. On the way home, he went into a small cafe and called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home.

After making the call, he smelled baked beans in the cafe. They were the best beans he had ever smelled! He could not resist and had three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home he had gas.

His wife seemed excited and somewhat agitated to see him, exclaiming,”darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight!”

She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the dining room table. He seated himself. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang.

She made him vow not to touch the blindfold until she returned. Seizing the opportunity of her absence, he shifted his weight to one leg and let go.

It was not loud, but as ripe as rotten eggs. He took the napkin from his lap and fanned the air about him.

Things had just returned to normal when he felt another urge coming on. So he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This was a prize winner.

He figured that he must be done. But then he made a third fart. This one made the flowers at the table wilt! Yet somehow his wife didn’t hear him.

While keeping his ear on the phone conversation in the hall, he again fanned vigorously until he heard the phone farewells, indicating the end of his freedom.

He was the very picture of innocence when his wife returned.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked. He assured her that he had not.

At this point, she removed the blindfold and there was his surprise — Twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party!

So Superman is flying by and he sees Wonder women sunbathing nude on top of a building….. He thinks to himself…” I wonder if she’d notice if I’m real quick”…. So he flys down, bangs her quick and fly’s out.
Wonder women sits up and is like, ” What the hell was that?” the invisible man sits up and says, “I don’t know but my ass really hurts”….
 

 A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game.

The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.

He explains” I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa.” Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500!.”

Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it’s the blonde’s turn. She asks the lawyer: “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?” The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look.

He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer!?”

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

 A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it’s too risky to operate.

All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. “What’s wrong” asks the mother. “I was taking pee and this bullet came out” replies the daughter.

The mother tells her it’s okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears.

“Mom, I was taking pee and this bullet came out”. Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.

A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. “It’s okay” says the mom, “I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out.” “No,” says the boy, “I was jerking off and I shot the dog.”
——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com