As the woman passed her daughters closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within.

Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked, What in the world are you doing? The daughter replied, Mom, Im thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as Ill ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.

The next day, the girls father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, Dad, Im thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as Ill ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.

A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room.

She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked, What are you doing!?

The husband replied, Im watching the ball game with my son-in-law.

……………..

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A lawyer had a client who was accused of bank robbery. He was caught with the money shortly after he left the bank. He stood and addressed the bench.

Your honor, my client is innocent of bank robbery. He was actually borrowing the money. He wanted to open an account at another bank which offered higher interest rates and needed at least $10,000. He would have paid back the money in a few years.

……………..

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There was a married couple. Eyery day the husband went golfing from 10 to 4.

Once the wife asked the husband Could you please repair the dripping faucet in the bathroom when you come home?

The husband replied What,so now you think Im a plumber?

Then the wife also told him The bulb in the kitchen is also broken.

The husband responded, So now you think Im an electrician?

When the husband came back home from golfing, the bulb was changed and even the faucet in the bathroom was repaired.

Wondering what had happened, the husband asked his wife How did all these jobs get done?

She answered, Today there was a man I met on the street who said he repaired anything for a roll in the hay or some cookies.

The husband said, I do really hope you gave him some cookies!!

She replied, What, so now you think Im a baker?

……………..

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A lonely frog calls a psychic hotline and asks what his future holds.

His personal psychic adviser tells him, You are going to meet a young girl who will want to know everything about you.

The frog is excited about the news. Thats great! Will I meet her at a party? he croaks.

No, says the psychic. In biology class.