A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify.

She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, “Who can tell me what this is?”

A little girl raised her hand.

“Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?”

“It’s a cow, teacher.”

“Very good, Janie,” said the teacher.

Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class. Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer.

“I’ll give you a hint,” said the teacher. “What does your mommy call your daddy when she’s trying to be ‘lovey-dovey’?”

Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said, “I know, Teacher. It’s a big horny bastard!”

…………..

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 Nursery school teacher says to her class, “Who can use the word ‘Definitely’ in a sentence?”

First a little girl says “The sky is definitely blue” Teacher says, “Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange…”

Second little boy…”Trees are definitely green” “Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown.”

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:

“Does a fart have lumps?”

The teacher looks horrified and says…”Johnny! Of course not!!!”

“OK…then I DEFINITELY shit my pants…”

…………..

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 It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite.

He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.

The old man couldn’t believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.

This went on and on until finally the old man couldn’t take it any more since he hadn’t caught a thing all this time.

He went to the boy and said, “Son, I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?”

The boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.”

“What was that?” the old man asked.

Again the boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.”

“Look,” said the old man, “I can’t understand a word you are saying.”

So, the boy spit into his hand and said, “You have to keep the worms warm!”

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A man approached his family physician and said,

“Doc, I’m afraid you’ll have to remove my wife’s tonsils one of these days.”

The doctor pulled out the family’s medical file and exclaimed,

“Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?”

“No,” the husband retorted, “but you’ve heard of a man having two wives, haven’t you?”

——-

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