Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.

They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, “Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today.”

“What?” his father replied.

“When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, ‘Jesus, I’m coming, Jesus I’m coming.’ If it wasn’t for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!”

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A woman walked into the doctor’s but didn’t like the way he was looking at her. When he told her to undress she asked him to turn out the lights before she disrobed. After he turned out the lights she said:

“Where will I put my clothes?”

“Hang them up over here,” he replied, “next to mine.”

 

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Little farmboy comes in late for school. Teacher asks why he’s late. Farmboy replies that he had to take the family cow over to the neighbour’s to get her bred by a bull.

Annoyed, teacher demands, “Can’t your father do that?” Little farm boy thinks for a moment: replies, “Well, sure… but the bull can do it better.”

At the plane crash site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team. “Thank Heavens!”, he cried out in relief….. “I am saved!”

The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades. The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. “You can’t judge me for this,” he insisted. “I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?”

The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. “I won’t judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but Good Heavens, man, your plane only went down yesterday!”

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