A soldier shows up for military training but realizes he forgot to bring his gun.

The sergeant hands him a stick and gestures to the training field.
“You’ll have to use this, soldier. If you need to shoot someone, just aim your stick at them and shout ‘Bangity bang-bang’. If someone gets too close to you, poke them in the gut with it as though it was a bayonette and shout ‘Stabbity stab-stab’. Now get moving.”

The soldier thinks this is pretty ridiculous, but to his surprise, when he aims his stick at a fellow trainee across the field and shouts “Bangity bang-bang!” the other soldier goes down in a theatrical display. Then, another trainee tries to run past him, so he pokes the guy in the ribs and shouts “Stabbity stab-stab!” and he too goes down, pretending to be dead.

So, the soldier starts running through the mock-battlefield, shouting “Bangity bang-bang” and occasionally “Stabbity-stab-stab”, until eventually he realizes he’s the last man standing.
He’s feeling pretty proud of himself until another soldier rounds a corner and starts walking toward him. Slowly. Stiffly. Menacingly.

The soldier takes aim with his stick and shouts, “Bangity-bang-bang!”

But the other soldier doesn’t go down this time. He keeps approaching, arms stiff at his sides, boots stomping aggressively into the ground.

The soldier begins to sweat. He clears his throat, adjusts grip on his stick and hollers, “Bangity bang-bang!”

But nothing happens. The other soldier keeps marching toward him.
Now the soldier panics. He pretends to reload his stick and desperately cries out, “Bangity bang-bang! Bangity bang-bang! Stabbity stab-stab!”

But to his dismay, nothing works.

Finally, the other soldier reaches him, kicks him in the shin and knocks him onto the ground.
He stands over the fallen soldier and says:
“Tankity tank-tank.”

——-

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Two friends are walking in the square when they noticed a poker buddy of theirs sitting on a bench, waving at them.

“Hey Dugly, I am having a terrible headache. It’s ruining my day.” says the acquaintance. “Do you have any medicine with you?”

Dugly opens his fanny pack, takes out a pill, and hands it to him. “Here, take this and get some rest. Don’t worry. You’ll get better.”

The two friends say goodbye to him, and continue walking. Until a lady, their neighbor, appears in their path. She is sitting on the floor.

“I’m glad you’re the one coming,” says the neighbor. “Tripped, I think I hurt my foot. Do you have anything that will help?”

Dugly opens his fanny pack, takes out a pill, and hands it to her. “Here, take this and get some rest. Don’t worry. You’ll get better.”

They help the lady get to a bank, say goodbye, and continue walking. After another stretch, they meet another acquaintance of theirs. Walking a dog that’s is barking non-stop.

“Dugly, I can’t believe it’s you,” says the guy, pointing at the dog. “He’s very nervous today. Do you have anything for it?”

Dugly opens his fanny pack, takes out a pill, and hands it to him. “Here, give him this and let him rest for a while. Don’t worry. He’ll get better.”

They chat for a while with him, pet the dog, then leave.

Further ahead, there is a guy selling hot dogs.

He sees the pair coming, and as they pass him, he says, “Dugly, what a blessing to see you here. Do you happen to have anything for diarrhea with you?”

Dugly shakes his head. He and his friend buy two hot dogs, and go back to walking.

“Dugly, tell me something.”, asks his friend. “How come you have medicine for everything, but not for diarrhea?”

And he replies, “For everything? My friend… All I have are tranquilizers.”
“””””

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Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.

He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.” Guess where I am now…

“””””

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Kyle and Dain, a gay couple on an airplane together.

Kyle turns to Dain and says “You know what would be wild, if we had sex on the plane, like right here in our seats.”

Dain says “Woah dude, theres people everywhere, they would watch, it’d be weird.”

Kyle replies “Nobody pays attention on an airplane, watch.” With that he stands up and shouts “Can I borrow a pencil, anyone, can I borrow a pencil?” Some people are reading some are napping, nobody even looks up or pays him the slightest attention. “See” he says to Dain.

“Wow, I guess your right.” So they go ahead and have sex right there in their seats.

At the end of the flight, a flight attendant is going up and down the aisles checking on everyone and finds an old man with vomit all down his shirt, all over his trousers, hes just soaked. “Sir, sir, if you felt Ill you should of called me I would of brought you a bag or something.”

The old man looks up and says “I wouldn’t dare, guy up there asked for a pencil and he got f*cked in the ass.”

“””””

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